Unknown Speaker 0:00 Michelle, Unknown Speaker 0:04 welcome to the autism mommies potty talk podcast, I'm Michelle B Rogers, autism mom and life coach. I help parents of children with autism who are pre verbal to start communicating a potty train guaranteed. Unknown Speaker 0:20 We're listening to the autism moms potty talk Podcast, episode 44 Hey, everybody. Unknown Speaker 0:27 Welcome. Hey, AJ, Hi Jenna, Paula, Sarah Sue, hello, everybody. Welcome. Unknown Speaker 0:37 Tell me where you're where you're coming in from tonight. Welcome everybody, Unknown Speaker 0:43 welcome, welcome. Unknown Speaker 0:48 Hold on one second here, just doing some tech stuff. Unknown Speaker 0:54 Bear with me here. Unknown Speaker 1:01 You This Unknown Speaker 1:03 is the beauty of live. Jen, my my fearless assistant, will be with us shortly. Unknown Speaker 1:10 Bear with me here. She's trying to get us all ready to go. Unknown Speaker 1:17 We are live, Unknown Speaker 1:21 sharing the link for everybody who's asking for it. Unknown Speaker 1:26 Tell me where you're from. Don't be shy. We I want this to be interactive. Tonight we're coaching, so I need you guys to talk to me. Tell me what's going on for you. Where are you from? How old you baby all that good stuff. You Unknown Speaker 1:48 This is an open coaching call tonight. So if you didn't know what you were here for, hello. My name is Michelle. I'm an autism mom and life coach, and tonight is all about getting some coaching. It is an open coaching call and Q and A. So here's how we're going to run it. Basically, what I want to do is I want to talk about some things I talked about on the the one night event that happened on Tuesday. I want to help you to understand patterns. Patterns is a big there's a big patterns or have a lot to do with potty training. And I want to understand what you guys have tried, and understand why you think it hasn't worked. So I can give you clarity as so as to where to go next with your potty training. And I am going to get into questions. I'm going to coach anyone who's willing to be coached. To be coached, there's a little raised hand button on the bottom so you can hit that raised hand if you want to be coached. That means I'm going to bring you up live, so that everyone's going to be able to hear and see the coaching. So you want to make sure you're in a quiet room, you have good internet and you have good audio and video. If you're shy, that's fine. Use the chat, and if you want to ask like specific questions, you can put them in the Q and A so we have a Q and A box, we have a chat box. So make sure I get it all out for you. There we go, a Q, a box, a chat box. I want this to be as interactive as possible. So here's the agenda for tonight. Love it, Paul, we're going to get to you. So here's the agenda for tonight. We're going to talk about what I want to know. I want to know about your baby. I want to know how old they are, what you've tried to potty train them. Then I want to know from your experience, what you think. Why do you think that what you've tried has kept you stuck or it's not working. Unknown Speaker 3:21 Then I want to talk about the real reason potty training stalls and how we're going to fix it. Then I'm going to get into some Q and A I'm going to re review the five steps to potty training that works for every child, including children on the spectrum. And then, if you would like support, I run a group coaching program for parents of children with autism, if you'd like support, I'm going to share information on that so that, if you'd like support, we can work together to solve this problem. If you would like to do that, okay, all right. So the first thing I want to remind everybody is that this is the potty Pocket Guide. You got an E, E, an electronic version of this, sent to your it was sent to your inbox, the chat is disabled. Oh, how did that happen? Thank you for letting me know that. Let's see if we can fix that. Unknown Speaker 4:11 Thank you for letting me know that Unknown Speaker 4:14 chat is disabled. Well, we can't have that, so hold on one second here. Let me see if I can fix that, because I want this to be interactive. I want you guys to chat with me if Q and A is working, we can use Q and A, but in the end, in the meantime, while I'm trying to see if I can fix chat guys, in the Q A, I want to know how old your baby is and what you've tried to potty train them. So in the Q A, use the Q A, because I can see that I want to know how old your baby is and what you've tried to potty train them, and I'm going to see if I can fix this. Unknown Speaker 4:45 How did that happen? Unknown Speaker 4:49 Let's see here. Chat settings. Where are you? Q and A, enable Q and A, enable practice session. Let me edit. Unknown Speaker 5:00 I don't know if I can edit it. One on it, all right, let's just use the Q A. Guys tell me in the Q A, Unknown Speaker 5:05 the Q A box is on the bottom. It says Q and A, I want you to tell me how old your baby is and what you've tried to pie training. And while you guys populate some answers in there, I don't know why the chat is not working. Uh, Jen, will be on in a in a minute. Panelists can chat with everyone. Oh, here we hold on. Try chatting now. Hi everyone. Let me see something might have been off. Tell me if you can use the chat right now. Unknown Speaker 5:27 Don't you love technology? There we go. Alrighty. Sorry, everybody. Make sure you use the drop down that you're chatting with everyone, so everyone can see your comments. Awesome. All right. Now in the chat, welcome everybody. Welcome Jenna. We're so happy to have you. Jenna, just joined the program. We're excited. Program. We're excited to have you in the program. All right, so tell me in the chat what you've tried to potty train your child, how old they are, and what you've tried to potty train them. I'm going to go over the agenda for tonight. I already did that. So we're going to, we're going to talk about what you've tried. I'm going to we're going to talk about why you think it hasn't worked. Then I'm going to tell you why I think it hasn't worked to kind of clear the path for you. Then we're going to talk about the five steps, and then I'm going to talk about my program at the end, if any of you want to work with me after this, after tonight, I'm going to share information about my group coaching program. This is what I do all day long. Okay, so while you guys are answering here is your autism mommy's potty Pocket Guide. You got an electronic version of this. I had this printed at Staples. They did all of this. Made it so nice. What you're going to do, if you are interested in the A to Z of potty training, all the tips, trick, tricks, all that stuff. The tactical is inside this guide. I can't go over every single tip and trick. That's what we do in the master class, but I will give you a clear path of where to go after tonight. I promise that. Okay, all right, and anyone who's willing to be coached, you're gonna raise your hand. All right, let's see we got here. Hi Jenna. Welcome Jenna. Alrighty, Fatima, my kid is seven years old, non verbal, so I haven't tried anything. He gets some stuff, so that's interesting. Why haven't you tried anything? Fatima, he's seven. He or she is seven. Tell me why you haven't tried anything yet. Stephanie, I have a four and a half year old boy, pre to beginning verbal, Oh, I love that. I love the way you worded, that I tried the three day naked weekend method, and it was horrible. Everyone was crying. Okay, I hear you. Let's see what else we got here. Um, hello from New Jersey. I am in New York. My Joey is five. I've tried potty training, rewards, bribes, sticker charts. I think it hasn't worked. Hold on one second. I think it hasn't worked because he's scared and refers to poop standing in a pull up. Okay. Welcome Kelly. All right, Jamie, hi everyone. Eight year old. Trouble with poop only, withholding and Doctor interventions. Uh, Paula, my son just turned five years old in May. We've only tried consistently for four months. We've used repetition and the reward system. Paula, have you had any success? That's what I'd like to hear from Paula. Jenna, seven and a half years old, sitting on the potty a lot, naked, weekends, inconsistent. AJ says, three years old, we've tried the potty watch and just trying to time her and watch her cues. AJ, have you had any success? Hello, from New Jersey. Oh, that's true. So that one, I don't know where to start. I put him on the toilet, and he just laughs, Okay, fair enough. And then, four and a half year old, we've been trying since January. We've tried everything, and he hates sitting on the potty. Okay? For anyone who's actually, uh, shared their information here, I want to know, um, some successes Paul, but want waning. Okay, he will pee on his own, but is not consistent. The next hour, he's crying and not pooping. All right, all right. This makes all types of sense to me. Okay, so now, for everybody who put an answer in the chat, and everybody else, if you're joining, I want to know what you how old your baby is, and what you've tried to potty train them. And then I want to know, why do you think they're not potty trained yet? Why do you think that what you're trying hasn't worked? Unknown Speaker 8:52 Not consistent? Already got that two times, all right. Consistent understood. Unknown Speaker 9:00 Tell me in the chat, why do you think what you've tried hasn't worked Unknown Speaker 9:06 since six years old now, and while you're doing that, just so you know, I'm an autism parent, just like you. My daughter, Juliana, was diagnosed on the spectrum at two. We ended up potting treating her when she was pre verbal. We ended up potty training her with sign language. This was this. It was a shaking fist. Was a sign for potty. And long story short, we ended up teaching her communication through sign language first, then she had some sounds word approximation. She started speaking. She was in the most restrictive autism classroom, a 614, at the age of three, she went on to a 12, one, two. They ended up pulling her from that special education school. I ended up putting her in a a Gen Ed preschool with it with a shadow and RBT, her language exploded. There she went from the most restrictive special education classroom to where she is today. She is wrapping up her first year of middle school. She is in gen ed classes. She speaks beautifully. She just had a swim meet tonight, and the only. Unknown Speaker 10:00 Special support she has is social skills every other week and resource room instead of study hall. And that's it. And if that, if she can have that growth, Why can't your babies have that growth too? Unknown Speaker 10:12 Okay, let me keep going here. Unknown Speaker 10:16 Not consistent, peeing before the bath, sometimes with running water not working due to consistency, right? That's the third consistent. She's not verbalizing. So you felt like the reason why she's not potty trained AJ, is that she's not verbalizing when she has to go. Not verbal Okay, Unknown Speaker 10:32 peeing before the bath. Okay, sorry. She's not verbalizing her Okay, scared, okay. So we have fear. Unknown Speaker 10:41 I work full time, and I have too many people working with him every day, and he's different with everyone will really only go for me, and his ABA lady won't go for school or caregiver. So we have, like, we busy life. So busy life, that's fair. Unknown Speaker 10:55 We tried it one weekend, and we tried again. So lack of consistency for sure. So there we go. We got, got a few of those guilty parent here have been consistent. She's verbal but not letting us know. So do you feel like AJ could be like the mind body connection, isn't it's not clicking. Unknown Speaker 11:10 So I'm gonna write down for that one Unknown Speaker 11:13 doesn't understand, so it doesn't comprehend. Got it? Unknown Speaker 11:17 Okay? Unknown Speaker 11:19 All right. I have a question for all of you that wrote down or that had typed in, that you aren't consistent. And here's my question for you, if you feel like you haven't been consistent, I want to know Unknown Speaker 11:32 what is making it if you felt like consistency was the key to potty training, What stopped you from being consistent? Put that in the chat so if you were one of the parents, or if you had said something else, and you also believe that you're not consistent, if you're one of the parents that wrote that you're struggling to be consistent, and that you believe is the only reason that your child isn't potty trained, why haven't you been able to be consistent? If you believe that that's the way, then why? Unknown Speaker 11:59 Tired of fighting with my child, the fight, okay, tired of fighting with my child. Unknown Speaker 12:05 So you're getting some resistance from your child. Unknown Speaker 12:11 Just taking some notes here, Unknown Speaker 12:13 trying so hard and getting little results. Unknown Speaker 12:21 Keep going, you guys are. You're Unknown Speaker 12:24 trying an intensive all day and evening boot camp style training, but he has to stop four hours a day, and they don't push it, okay, Unknown Speaker 12:34 being the main caregiver of minimal help, all right? No help. Unknown Speaker 12:39 Been afraid to traumatize them. Okay, fair. I'm scared, scared to do damage. Unknown Speaker 12:49 Okay, all right, for all of you who just shared your your reasons why you can't be consistent, and that included, you know, you're tired of fighting them, um, you don't have any help. You have very busy schedule. Um, you're you've tried and gotten little results, so it doesn't seem worth it to stay consistent. You're scared to do harm. If I told all of you listen, I'm going to create a personalized version of this for you, and it's going to have your baby's name on it, and it's going to be so it's going to be made of gold, right? And you're still going to have a stubborn child that may fight you some of the way, you're still going to have your busy schedule. There's still a chance that, um, you're going to put a lot of work in. But at the end of two weeks, if you follow this very specific blueprint, your child would be potty trained, but you still got the you still got the day job, they still you still got a very busy schedule. They're still going to be stubborn little little little munchkins, but I but if you followed it to a T in two weeks, your child would be completely pie trained. Would you do it? But you still had to deal with all the other stuff that's life in you right now. So life's still going to life you, but you're guaranteed if you follow this, you'd Unknown Speaker 14:01 still have to do everything else. But would you do it? Yes, yes. All right, okay. All right. Now for everyone who shared what you've shared, I want, I want everybody to do this. I want everybody to close their eyes right now. And I did this the other night. I'm gonna do it again for you guys too. And if you go on the other night, great. You're gonna get, you're gonna get, you're gonna love this again too. I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to imagine a Sunday morning in your home. And on this Sunday morning, you wake up your baby out of bed, and they jump out of bed, and you see their little undies on because they're fully potty trained, including nighttime training. Unknown Speaker 14:38 And they run all by themselves to the bathroom. They turn on the light, they run and flip the lid up, they pull their little undies down. They get up on the stool. They sit on the toilet, and you hear them peeing all by themselves. Unknown Speaker 14:52 Then they flush the toilet, they wipe their bum, they pick up their undies, they wash their hands, Unknown Speaker 14:58 and for some of you. Unknown Speaker 15:00 So where language is coming your baby comes out to you in the kitchen and they say, eggs, please. Or they're so excited, they said, I did it. Unknown Speaker 15:10 What would it feel like to have that Sunday morning in your home? Unknown Speaker 15:18 Tell me in the chat, what would it feel like to have a Sunday morning where that happened in your home, your baby got up out of bed all by themselves with their undies on at the end. Their bed was dry. Their undies were dry. They ran to the bathroom all by themselves. They peed, they pooped, they wiped, they flushed, they washed their hands. They came out to you in the kitchen. Said, eggs, please? Or I did it. Unknown Speaker 15:40 Amazing, excellent, joyful, relief, happy tears, wonderful, and would cry, success, awesome. I love this. Okay, Unknown Speaker 15:53 now I'm going to tell you, so now I have a good understanding of what's going on. You guys have tried a lot of things. I'll tell you something. There's not going to be anything. I'd like to think that the potty training guide keeps things very systematic. When I built it, I said, I want to be very systematic on how I create it. It's going to give them the A to Z of potty training. And I think a lot of what's in here is out in the world. I don't think there's I think there's some stuff in here that I'd like to say is fabulous that isn't out out in the world, but there is all of the tactical things that you've tried. A lot of you, the three days, the naked on the way down some intensives. I love all that stuff. I don't see any of that as a problem, but you've tried it and you haven't gotten results. So what I want to do with you now is I want to go over everything that you've said and help you to understand where I'm coming from. I can see where there's the problem and where there is a path to a solution. Okay, all right, wonderful. And I would cry. I would too. Okay, so let's do this. So a lot of you said that the reason that you that you've tried a lot of good things. You've tried intensive you've tried potty, watches, timer, stickers, intenses, naked, halfway down. You've tried a lot of good things. I asked you, what did you think the problem is that you couldn't get your child pie trained. A lot of you said not consistent. You said that your child's not verbal, so how are you going to be able to get them to communicate? One of you said that your child was fearful. You live a very busy life, and that's the reason why the pie training is not happening. One of you said it wasn't clicking, like the mind body connection was off. One of you felt that because your baby was pre verbal, that they didn't comprehend. And those are really valid thoughts, but all of them are untrue. They're not the reasons why your child is in pietrane There might be a little bit with fear. I get that there could be some past experiences that have now added fear to the mix, but that's not the reason why your children are not potty trained. The only reason your children are not potty trained, and I say this with love, is because it's optional to do so in your home, because they can still wear diapers. That is why they're not potty trained, and that's it. Unknown Speaker 17:58 Tell me how you're feeling when I say this. I Unknown Speaker 18:05 is, it's true. Agree I said. I can't, I can accept that. Okay, that's fair. Unknown Speaker 18:13 Here's what I think. How do we break it? I'm with you. Julie, all right, so here's what, here's what I think. I think that the reason why children on the spectrum, the majority of children on the spectrum who are ambulatory, who can font, go through an iPad and YouTube and find the exact video and play it in the exact spot over and over and over again, those children are fully capable of flushing a toilet. I see this as a two pronged problem when I work with parents like you. Number one, part of the problem is this, my child has the capability to do all these things, but they're not being put to the test. Unknown Speaker 18:47 So the way they see it is that their whole life they've peed and pooped in their pants. It works quite well for them, and they have a human brain like everyone else, they don't want to do change unless they have to. So as long as nobody's putting them to the test. They're not interested in learning another way. They don't understand the value in it, because they think you're going to be around forever to wipe their butts and change that change their diapers. So that's part of the problem. The second part is, I've got some poopy thoughts about my child. Pun intended. That's making me think this can't happen. So you guys are thinking things like, well, inconsistency is a problem because my life is really busy. We're going to go back to that in a second. A couple of you said, Well, my child's non verbal. So if a child's non verbal, how can they learn to potty train? And some of you guys said it's not clicking. Like, oh, you know, the mind body connection is just not there. So how can you potty train if it's not there? Some of you said they don't comprehend. And what ends up happening is I start lowering the bar of expectation that this can happen. So the two prong problem is this, my child does not want to change because it's the way they've always done it, and they don't see the value in learning the way that you want them to learn. And you're attacking potty training from a place of I don't think it's going to happen. Unknown Speaker 20:00 Anyway, just from some of the stuff you shared, as long as you think that your child's autism is the reason that you're that they can't potty train because they're pre verbal, they can't potty train because they they can't comprehend, which we can't prove. By the way, you're just anyone who said that or thinks that, all love but it's an assumption that's hurting both of you. As long as you assume that you're not going to potty train full throttle. I always say like I'm in full belief. I've never met a child I can't potty train the parents that have come to work with me in my group coaching program, we've never not had a potty trained child 100% success rate. But it's, it's predicated on the parents believing it first, meaning that I can't, I can't I can show you the way. I can show you the river, but I can't make you drink as long as you believe shitty things about your your child, it's almost like you failed before you've begun potty training, and your child's like, great, I don't want to do it any other way anyway, so I'm just going to follow your lead. You don't think I can do it great. I don't want to do it anyway. In fact, they're going to fight for the position to stay in diapers, because they're human being, right? They don't want to change. They don't know. They don't know. They don't know one day we're not going to be here for them, and that they need this if they want to live the best quality of life, right? All they know is the life they're living now. They get to live in their home and play with their iPad and hang out with their mom and their dad and get their butts wiped. They don't know a better life is waiting for them if they just get this skill. Does this make sense to anybody? Tell me what you're thinking if you think it's bullshit. I want to know and I want this to be respectful to I'm going to try. I'm everything I say comes from love and passion and pure belief that your babies can do this. And I want you to understand that, and I want you to be respectful. And coming back to me saying, Well, I don't agree, and this is why, but I want this to stay in a really good spot for everybody. Unknown Speaker 21:43 Okay, so here's a great example. So Catherine says I can't even get him to sit on the potty. So if I'm thinking, I can't even get him to comply, he won't even sit he is so hyper because of his autism that I can't even get him to sit on a potty. How is he gonna potty train? So if, if this mom has these thoughts about her child, I read the rest of what she said, right? It had these thoughts about her child. How's she gonna do when she goes out to get the potty watch you get the potty seat and the potty stickers, and she's okay. Time to potty training. He starts running the other way. Her brain, like all of our brains, are built for survival. It knows our higher brain wants a chatty, potty trained child, but a survival brain, which runs the day to day for all of us, is going to read you all the reasons why you shouldn't attempt potty training, why this can't happen. And as long as we let that part of our brain make the decisions for our lives, our children will remain in diapers. Unknown Speaker 22:45 Does this make sense to anybody? If you don't agree, I want to know it in a respectful way. Tell me what you're thinking. Catherine, Unknown Speaker 22:55 I was just using your first sentence as an example. I didn't read the whole thing. If I have a child, right? And the child will like, if I'm a parent, this could be anybody. I'm a parent. I've had this many a times. They're so hyper I can't even get them to sit. Unknown Speaker 23:09 So if I can't get them to sit, how, how confident am I going to feel for them to potty train? Catherine, I will actually get to your full sentence in a second. Unknown Speaker 23:19 Tell me what you guys are thinking, Am I way off base? Do you think there's something else that's missing? I want you to tell me, Unknown Speaker 23:26 because as long as you think that autism, there's something happening in our community, I don't know when or where or whatever, but if you go into most Facebook autism groups, most children on the spectrum aren't potty trained, and if we surround ourselves with people who have children on the spectrum that aren't potty trained. It re it kind of it's like a self fulfilling prophecy that no wonder why I'm struggling and why I shouldn't continue and believe and that's playing in the back of your mind. Now listen, you join this you you bought a ticket to this program because I do believe that there's part of you that desperately wants us and desperately believes that your child can but there's also a ton of disbelief about the non verbal, about their being too fearful, about not being able to be consistent for because life's life, and us about the ability that they don't have to comprehend. It's like I have two beliefs, two, two dueling beliefs. One foot on the gas is the belief. One foot on the brake is not. And if I push the gas in, the brake in the same time at the car, it smokes and it goes nowhere. This is the root of everything. We could talk about strategies. We could talk about how to get a hyper child to sit we could talk about all of that. But if I don't address the root, I will be it will be a lot harder to get to goal, because I'm still fighting the thought that this is because of autism that we can't have this. I'm wanting something that's exceptional to a child that's diagnosed, and that's not the case at all. They are very capable. I want you to think about stuff that they interact with and they do on a daily basis that shows you that they're capable. All right, here we go. I started very confident, and let's do this, and I agree my enthusiasm. Unknown Speaker 25:00 Is let left along with my motivation as the monster egg on. Yes, Paula and I understand that. Here's the thing, if I quit, here's the here's your option, Paul you've got two options. Option one is, I stay the course. If I stay the course, there's no way I'm not going to get to goal. But if I quit, it's a 100% certainty that we will never leave diapers. Now I know that's just part of the answer. The other part is I've got it when I'm thinking, like, okay, in the beginning, I'm motivated, I'm ready to do this, and then I hit the life's life in me, potty road bumps my kids, you know, stubborn because, you know, they can be stubborn. And then that kind of like that, that survival brain starts chirping against us. See, this isn't going to work. You can't do this. And as soon as we let that part of our brain get hold our problem solving brain shuts off. When you started potty training, when you were ready to do this, you were probably full of energy, full of ideas, you were ready to do this, but as soon as you hit a couple of stutter steps, all of a sudden, my problem solving brain gets its voice isn't as loud anymore, and the survival brains like, just stop Paul, that this hurts. And what I need to show you guys what the biggest part of the work I do in my program is to teach you guys survival brains always going to exist and always chatter in our heads, but we still fucking do it anyway. All said, with love, all right, Scott, I don't agree. I have a child with a very rare syndrome, and she suffers from chronic constipation due to low muscle tone, this affects her bowels and holding. We are concerned about her holding and hurting her more. So here's my thing, Scott, right, and I'm not saying that a child who has medical grade constipation Unknown Speaker 26:36 isn't something that you shouldn't be concerned about in addressing, but you're here for a reason. Scott, there's part of you that believes that she can potty train. So my thought for something like that is like, Listen, my child has a medical and we've had kids with medical conditions, medical conditions that either either rare syndromes or dual diagnosis and medical conditions that cause them to have visits to the hospital with impacting I understand all of those things. I believe that they're real things. But if you're here, you're here for a reason. You believe there's part of you that believes that your daughter can do this in spite of having those medical conditions. So if you answer that call, whether you work with me, or you go off and you do it on your own, right, is the thought I don't agree, because there's no part of me that that believes that I'm holding back because I'm scared that she's going to get medically hurt, or I agree that maybe I am holding back and maybe there's a solve for the medical part at the same time, which is my thought. So if we were working together, I'd say, Okay, I don't ignore that kind of stuff. I'd say, okay, together with your doctor. These are the things that I would suggest. And I'm not talking about diet. We have a dietitian in the program, not talking about that so much, but I want to meet parents where they're at. So listen what I would do with a parent like you. And this is what I've done all the time. We P train first, and then we work on the poop. We've got to bring you back to like when a child has a medical condition, it sends us into fight or flight. We don't want to caught trigger more trauma. We want to be very systematic and delicate with this. But there's a reason you're here, Scott, you believe that she can do this? I'm not saying that you haven't tried. I'm saying that's a part of you that believes, because of her medical condition, this can't happen, and my survival brain, no wonder, would be triggered, because I don't want her to end up back in the hospital. All said, with love. Unknown Speaker 28:16 AJ, I know my girl is extremely intelligent, and I believe she can. I love that. So what happens here is what I tell my parents at this moment. I say, Listen, there's got to be a fork in the road moment, whether you work with me or you decide to go up and join and we've actually had parents in the Facebook group are already having major success, right? You get to make a decision. I always say to parents, the first pee in the potty isn't your fork in the road. Your fork in the road is when you make a decision on how you're going to show up from this point forward. And I say there was this, I looked up the history of this saying of calling burning the boats. And what it is is that this general took his army to this island to fight this enemy, and he told them, before we start fighting, I want you to go and light the boats on fire, because there's no going back. That's my point. Is that right now there's there's a lot of start and stop, because I always have a fallback reason as to why I shouldn't continue. And what I'm telling you is that if I really want this, and I believe in my child's capability and how smart they are, just thinking about the things they interact with on a daily basis, no reason why we can't have this. And I've got to burn those boats too. I Unknown Speaker 29:22 feel she's a little stubborn. Yes, they're all and if she's gonna fight for the position of comfort, like the way she's always done it is using it in a toy, is using her diaper. But if that's no longer an option, and here's what I like to do in my program, I like to create a Disneyland experience around potty train. I feel like pie train gets a bad rap. I used to describe it when my kids really little as the worst part of parenting is of parenting, and guess what? That's the exact spirit experience I had with both of them. Now, I wish I could have a do over, because potty train could be as beautiful as teaching how to ride a bike or brush their hair or try their shoes, but I chose to make it that way. It was a mental game. This is Mental guys. It's a mental game. This ain't a tactical a sticker chart any of. Unknown Speaker 30:00 That is a mental game. We got to get past our mental junk, past the survival brains to keep us stuck if we want our children to move forward. Unknown Speaker 30:08 So this is what I say. I say to my parents, I like, I like to create a Disneyland experience around Pietra. I mean, make this fun. I want to make this like a game. I want because right now, you and I have the built in desire of not peeing and pooping our pants, because we know the outcome of what will happen if we do that. Well, we're gonna I'm gonna wet my shorts, I'm gonna wet my chair. The floor is gonna be dirty. I'm gonna have to stop the webinar, clean everything up. It's so much easier. The built in desire to use the toilet so much easier. So I say we handle this from two angles. One is I want to create a lot of desire for the child to want to do it a new way. And you also want to make it not so great when you do it in your pants. Unknown Speaker 30:45 And I have lots of strategies for that, but this is the thing I would say, action without faith is like building a house on the sand. It'll look pretty but one one gust of wind, one big wave, and it falls apart. That's what I'm talking about. Unknown Speaker 31:01 We have worked with GI specialists, and it is a problem. I'm not saying it's not a problem. The two do work together. Do you work with GI doctors and urologists? I will work with anybody who's willing to work with me. The first thing we have to talk about is belief. Scott, so my first spot for you is, you're here. Do you believe that she can be potty trained? And I always start with a bridge thought. I say, Okay, if you don't, if you're not there yet, can you at least agree that this wouldn't affect her ability to P train, and then we can work our way to it. And I need to know more, more, more details to really say yes or no, but yes, I would work with anybody I've gotten on phone calls with teachers, doctors, therapists, you name it. I want this, this, if you if you're here, this tells me that you know that this can be done. You just don't know the how, and you're looking for somebody to give you the how. Guess what? How isn't really the problem. It's the I'm coming for the result of potty training, and I'm not stopping until I get it. So like, when somebody like Paula, or any of the other moms or dads that are in here, and they've tried it and it and it failed. I'm gonna get you back up. That's what that's the benefit of working with somebody, or get yourself back up. Know that? Listen, the for sure guarantee of quitting is staying in diapers, consistency and commitment, no matter how long it takes. That's how you get to go. It's a guarantee either way. It's just what quality of life do you want to live and let me tell you something. Do I don't I don't sugarcoat anything. Potty Training is going to be work for you. It's not going to be perfect. There are definitely going to be accidents. There may even be some fecal smearing, but let me tell you something. It's no more uncomfortable than the life you live now. Unknown Speaker 32:36 What we do together, or what you do on your own to potty training is going to be uncomfortable, but there's a better quality of life living at the other end of it, the way that you're living now is uncomfortable, no more uncomfortable or less uncomfortable than what potty training is, but there's no quality of life at the end of it. You're just familiar with it. That's why it's so easy to fall back into that habit of quitting. Unknown Speaker 33:00 My daughter's not keeping her diaper on. We're at the end of doing this, and need to be consistent, because she's not wanting to wear it anymore. Yeah, she's telling you, when a child is ripping their diaper off or handing you a pull up, they don't want to be pooping in their pants anymore. They want to feel that that is a clean, solid sign that they're ready to pirate. Does all this make sense to everybody? Just tell me, like, where you're feeling Are you still feeling like that? This is bullshit. This isn't me. It's attack. If you think it's a tactical problem, then I'm probably not your solution. I have tactical, by the way, I'm gold on tactical, but I know that's not the problem. It's the belief that's hurting. And a lot of you have valid reasons for it. A child with a medical condition, that's a valid reason to think that this would be difficult. And I'm not saying it isn't. I actually think it will be okay, but I have to, you know, but like, you have to believe that too. And part of me knows that you believe it because you're here, but you got to see it all the way through your fear brains gonna fight for that position of safety in the cave. I know I didn't have babies to live a satisfactory life, and I'm assuming you guys didn't either. We want to teach our babies one of the ultimate teachers for our babies. Want them to live thriving lives. Totally agree with you. It's mental on board. Unknown Speaker 34:06 Yes, awesome. All right, so let me go through this with you. There's, there's five things that go to potty training, hey, like for everybody, I thought he was taking off his diaper and handing it to you, because the only time he does this when he wants to be put down for a nap and didn't want to go to sleep yet. He's probably telling you he's ready. He don't want maybe he don't want to sleep with a diaper on his butt anymore. Maybe it's sweaty and he doesn't want that. These are signs that these children are ready to potty train. Unknown Speaker 34:31 Okay, all right, so let's talk about the five steps to potty training. And I'm going to kind of like go over them in depth a little bit with you. So the first one is we want to step one, which is anchoring the pattern, that means that we're that we've made a plan, and we're going to stay consistent to that plan. Remember that people who said they weren't consistent, and let me tell people that that said that, by the way, before we get into the steps, the reason why you're inconsistent, you all acknowledge, a good chunk of you acknowledge, the reason why pi training isn't done is because I haven't been consistent, and I. Unknown Speaker 35:00 Said, what if you believe that that was the only reason your child wasn't potty trained? Then why aren't you being consistent? And you all gave some valid reasons. Well, I'm tired of the fighting. I don't have any help. I'm tired of all the work and little results. Unknown Speaker 35:13 I'm scared to do damage. So then I said, if I created a specific potty blueprint for you, and you still had all those thoughts and fears, and you still have life, life in you and your busy life and your other kids. But if you followed it for two weeks, your child be pie trained. Would you be able to do it? You all said yes, you all could be consistent. Then when the result was guaranteed, that means that you don't believe that this can happen. Unknown Speaker 35:38 We spend our time doing the things that we think are going to give us an ROI so I'm not going to be consistent with pie training. Of course, I'm going to struggle with that. If I don't believe in the outcome, Unknown Speaker 35:50 as long as we stay in that space, we're never going to be able to potty train. Unknown Speaker 35:55 I want you to think about something that you had in your life, no matter you don't you whether it was a car, a relationship, a job, and you said, You know what? I don't know how I'm getting that, but I'm coming for it. I'm burning the boats of doubt. Everything I do is going to be about that outcome. I may not know the way it might be, it might be messy, but I ain't stopping until I get it. That's what you got to have for pietrane. And then the way you're going to have that proprietary and you're starting to believe better things about your child. Do you believe that your child can live an independent life? What did you feel when the autism came and it's okay if you felt like it was cancer? I didn't know what to expect either. I thought she was going to have to go on a group home. I didn't know what was going to happen for her. It's okay if you felt that way, but you have to change it if you want better things for your child. Oh, Stephanie, I love it. Welcome. Stephanie, all right, so this is just the main listen. 95% of the game when you want your child potty training, talking, stopping problem behaviors, is they've got you've got to believe it's possible. As long as you think it's not possible. It's never gonna happen, as long as you think it's possible. But I'm nervous and I'm scared, Michelle, I'm gonna keep doing it. You're gonna get to goal. And if you're nervous and scared and you want somebody in your corner, this is what I do all day long. That's what the master class is about. All right, all right. So now let's talk about the five steps. It's a very broad overview, but you'll understand it's so it's so simple, but it's so difficult, if I don't believe so the first step is anchoring your pattern. When I make the decision to potty train, I'm going to have a system set up and ready to go. That means that I'm potty training at the same times. I'm using the same words when I'm potty, drink, time to go potty. This is what we did for Julianne. I said the word and I shook my fist, and I have the same process every time. And give you a quick overview, that's if my starting point may be different than her, than Jamie's starting point, than Betsy and Evelyn's, which means, listen, if I have a child that's fearful, then I start there. If I have a child that's willing to sit for three to five minutes and no more than that, that's my policy, then we're ready to potty train. So you need to figure out where your starting point is and start getting very systematic, consistent, and you're going to get your results. Unknown Speaker 38:13 Okay, so same time, same words, same process, and you meet the child where they're at. We were talking to somebody in the Facebook group, and he won't even go in the bathroom. We had somebody in my program with the same way we would just we would start with just walking past the bathroom without flipping out, then walking past the bathroom and turning on the light switch, then walking in and touching the sink, then walking in and touching the toilet. We systematically went through it to get this child's fear down so that they could help their child get to the point where they were sitting on the toilet, then sitting on it for three to five minutes, and then we were ready to potty train. So you're going to meet your child where they're at. You're going to anchor a pattern, and the child needs that predictability more than perfection. So let's say I get to the point where we're touching the toilet, but all of a sudden he won't sit on it. No problem. What's the what? What's the in between step then I could go, I'll tell you what I'm not going to do, quit. Unknown Speaker 39:07 It may not listen. It didn't go as good as I thought. I had all the steps in my head. I was going to have them sit on it next now I'm like, oh shit, they won't sit does that mean potty training? Screwed. It's never going to happen. It may stink a little bit in my mind, but I said I bet there's a middle step. How about I just haven't flushed the toilet? How about I set up a step and they get one step closer to it each time. There's a gazillion ways I would do this until I get to goal. So that's the first part of this, predictability more than perfection. It's not called potty perfection. It's called potty training. That means there's going to be some accents, there's going to be some zigzagging, but as long as progress is still going in the right direction, you are doing it and you're doing it correctly. And let me tell you something for the parents that are afraid that they are going to do damage, my personal belief is that as long as anything I'm doing comes from a place of love, I could never fuck up my child. Now that's not a fact i. Unknown Speaker 40:00 Could, you know, submit to a court of law. It's not like anything I could, like, you know, say is like an official truth, but it's what I choose to believe, because if I believe anything else, I'm not going to move my child forward. And I really do feel from like hand to God, and I'm a God fearing woman, that God leads us, that he that God wants us to ask for his help, or higher power, or whatever is your intuition, whatever you want to call it, I believe my intuition is my is my telephone line to God. And when I'm in my fear brain, and I'm in my survival brain, I can't hear it. So even if I'm trying something, and I had the best intentions of the outcome, and it didn't go out as good as I hoped, I could never fuck up my baby, because everything I did came from a place of love, and maybe I had to do it that way to figure out I had to do a half step instead. Unknown Speaker 40:47 And that's how I operate as a parent. And you're not operating that way. If you're believing that the autism is the reason why your child can't learn this, you're operating from fear, and I understand it so you have some valid reasons. The medical thing breaks my heart. Is So valid to feel so nervous and so defensive and so scared, but that staying in that fear is not helping your child move forward. I had a parent who had a child who was in the ICU with a kidney infection she believed was associated to trying to potty train him, and he was pre verbal, and she felt because she didn't know what she was doing, she missed the signs for a kidney infection. If anyone had any reason to never try potty training again, it was her, Unknown Speaker 41:27 but part of her knew that he could do this, and that part of her is her intuition is saying, Mama, you got to keep at this. I know your scared. You got to keep at this. Get help. And that's why she joined my pro we got the help. He was pie trained in three weeks, not saying that the reasons that you aren't pie trained aren't valid. I'm not saying it's not it's wrong to feel like, listen, nobody's telling us otherwise. I'm telling you, as long as you believe what everyone tells us, that autism is this developmental disability, profound autism, level three, level two, severe autism, whatever it is that you think that you have means that this can't happen. As long as you don't the longer you don't fight that belief, the longer you're gonna stay stuck, and your child will stay stuck. Unknown Speaker 42:11 I when I think about Julianna, and I think about what she was diagnosed, I was just like, there's just no word. No way I'm changing the diaper of a fucking 10 year old. There's no way I'm chanting that's gonna be grown up shit at this point, I just I won't do it. And there was I didn't know how I was gonna get it. I just knew I wasn't gonna stop. I don't care if it takes me three years, I don't take good care. It takes me five years. I am not stopping. I'm not doing this. And that's what has to happen for you guys. You got to burn the boats. You got to draw your line of sense in Enough, enough. How much proof do I need that this child is just waiting for me to put them to the test. Unknown Speaker 42:43 All settle, of love. All right. Step two of potty training is create predictable practice. So the way that a child learns right? Some of you had said that I don't know if Mike, it's clicking the mind body connection. I don't think they understand the steps. The only way they're gonna understand the steps is with practice. How do they know to turn on an iPad, use the button, go to a certain not click that enough. They got practice. They got practice. Over time, somebody showed them, though they watched somebody do it, and then they started putting it, putting together the steps themselves. At first, they weren't doing a good job with it, and slowly but surely, that's how they learn with practice. So what you want to do the step two of pie training is creating that predictable practice pot. That means that if I if we're at the sitting point where we had a practice sitting, that they're not optional anymore. It's no longer optional. It's a part of our daily DNA, right? If our day schedule was the DNA of our lives, every day we're practicing sitting, if that's where we're at, or every day between, if I can't do a three day intensive, I'm going to do a four to eight because that's when they get home from school, and that's right before they go to bed. We're practicing for two hours a night, or all four hours, and I'm going to figure that out. There's a there's predictable practice. They know what's going to come for them, because I'm going to always be that predictable foundation for them. And when we're doing this practice, accents are gonna happen, and that's okay. A mom in the Facebook group is just like, there's accents everywhere. It's not stopping. It's getting worse. We did this for six months. It was just there was nothing to come of this. I said, No, you had, you had data. But with those with those peas, those peas and poops on the floor, is data. I could look at it and say, we're not making progress. This is exactly why we'll never be out of diapers. And look at this as like a total problem. Or say, You know what accidents teach us? Things our kids have patterns. It tells me how long they can hold. It tells me when they like to poop. It tells me when, when I need to be paying attention, or I can look at it the way she's looking at it and not get out of that vicious it's like a crazy aid of, like, See, and that's why we're in diapers, because autism makes it so that they can't do this. And he just goes back and forth, back and forth, and you're in, like, you're in this hole that you can't crawl out of. Where I look at accents, they say, okay, that's gonna be interesting. Let me see what I Okay, all right. So she likes to I have a p i have a child that loves to pee when she's eating, whenever she's. Unknown Speaker 45:00 It's down at the table. She likes to pee. She doesn't give any cues. Just starts pissing. So, you know, they feel like that's a problem that can't solve. I'm like, Oh no. Now we're going making sure we go to the bathroom before, and now I'm watching her while she eats. Anytime I can get any type of cue, we're getting up, we're going to the bathroom. There's lots that can be had there. You have two. It's like half cup. Hey, cap is half empty or half full, you get to decide. Unknown Speaker 45:23 Okay, so praty, potty sits aren't going to be optional. Once we create predictable practice, we're good. Practice is going to happen with accidents. It's not body perfection, it's potty training. And you don't wait until they're ready. There's it's such bullshit. They're going to be ready. When you say they're ready, I say any child three and up, they're ready. You only need one potty readiness sign in the autism mom's potty pocket guy, they talk about the potty readiness slides. You only need one. And at the age of three, I don't care if they have any of them or not, they probably do, but your brain might be so much in the gutter you can't see it. So what I say is, okay, here are your examples, staying dry for two hours or more, regular bowel movements, ability to follow simple directions, even if it's still go get your iPad, demonstrate discomfort of soiled diapers. A couple of your kids don't even want to wear them anymore, pulling pants up and down, requesting to use the toilet or wear underwear or go in there when you're both I mean, the list could go on. You only need one of them. And at the age of three, I say, forget it. They're just ready, because they're they're age appropriate ready. I get to decide when we're doing this, not the other way around. We don't wait for them to be ready. They're never going to be ready. Gonna be ready. They're like everything. I'm never gonna want to change this. I like can improve my depth, you clean it up. I go back my merry way. Why would we change something? Why fix it if it ain't broken? That's what our kids are thinking. All said with love. Tell me if this makes sense, put it in the chat. I'm gonna do some coaching. Step three is we want to create an environment to win. So the environment to win is step one and two, clear routines like, Okay, this is what we do between this time frame. We're doing a potty intensive when you're ready, whatever it is that you decide there's going to be natural, natural consequences if there's an accident and zero gray areas. Gray areas mean the only time we wear a pull up when we're pie training is when we're napping or sleeping, and that's it. Now, if they're going to school and we're potty training at home, they're going to go to school with the pull up as well. But this is temporary. All those times that you wear where the pull up is temporary, meaning that once I get to 80% or better at home, taking them at set intervals where they're not having accidents, they're going to school with a bunch of underwear and a bunch of change of clothes. You say, Guess what? School? Wow, I don't buy diapers anymore. Have at it. Here's my schedule. Here's what we do. It's not the other way around. A lot of you guys hope that the school or the therapist will just, please, just make this happen. It very rarely happens that way. It has to come from home, and I'm so appreciate it when it doesn't happen that way, because the more that shit happens outside of your control, the more you think that you're not equipped to teach them. Well, you guys are the ultimate teachers. You know them better than anybody, and if you would just see yourselves as the as the person, as the number one person to teach them, not just potty training, but everything. We guys, these kids, are going to do things you never thought possible. Unknown Speaker 47:59 It's time to stop outsourcing or praying that the outsourcing is going to do it and take the reins. I don't want to waste any more time anymore. I can't control how much time they're going to spend at it at school, or how much time this therapist going to or if they're going to have do it right, or if there's going to be a problem. But I have full control over how I spend my day with my baby, and I want to make sure that I'm giving it everything I got, and I'm totally capable. I'm in belief. I've never, I was never formally trained. I'm boots on the ground, Unknown Speaker 48:26 learn on the job. Type training is what I got. And you know what I got that you can't teach in any school or master's degree. Full on hardcore belief, certainty that every parent that represents a child near as a child that can be fully potty trained certain to my bone, that's all you're missing. And that's what we work on my program, and we work on the tactical too. Okay, so step three, clear routines, natural consequences, zero grace, gray zones, which means as long as we have started pi training at home, we're not in pull ups anymore, and accidents will happen. And I want you understand, like, sometimes we get into the throws of this, it's like, oh, there's shit and piss all over my carpets, shit and piss all over my walls. This is temporary. There's a this is going to be worth the effort, because there's a better life waiting for you on the other end of it. All seven, okay? Step Four of body training is you're going to respond to the accidents right away. So as soon as a child has an accident, you're going to stay neutral. You're like, oh, that's why. Oh, pee and poopy belong in the potty. Let's clean up. You're not going to give attention to the behavior. So if they're crying, if they're trying to, like, step in it, they're fecal smearing, you're going to ignore that. You just like, oh, pee and poop go in the potty. Yucky. Let's clean up, and then you're going to reset and try again. Remember what I talked about earlier. I have two I the way I attack potty training is from two, two angles. The first angle is I want to create desire for them to want to do it in the toilet, like you and I have. So we're going to create external desire. Unknown Speaker 49:59 Then the second. Unknown Speaker 50:00 Part of it is, I'm going to make a world where shitting and pooping in my pants stinks. So guess what? You make the mess. You're gonna help clean it, right? So if I make a world, we're doing in the potty is so wonderful, and you and we make it so fabulous, and you wouldn't want to do it anywhere else. And when you do it on the floor, you don't want to do that either. That sucks. And that's how I attack potty training. So you respond to the accents right away. You stay neutral, and you stay the course. You stay consistent to the progress. It will be messy, and that's okay. There are carpet cleaners. I've used them several times. I even have a spot cleaner. There are shampoos. You will be all right. Everything will be you can roll up the rug. You can put, I put dollar store shower curtains on my on my on my cushion, couch. You can survive this. This can be done. This is temporary discomfort for forever. Better quality of life. And this is just the beginning. Once you get them, pie change, you'd be like, Oh, you've been playing me this whole time. You could pie train. What else can you do? That's what I love about my program. We bring such awareness. Because once they, once these little whippersnappers do it and do it so fast, then you guys like, alright, the jigs up. You're not playing me anymore. I know you're capable of so much more. All set with love, Unknown Speaker 51:15 all right? And then step five, a potty training is built towards independent pendants. Eventually, we're going to not have to tell them when to go. We're going to feed our prompts. We're going to reinforce success. We're going to tell the school what we're doing. We're going to collaborate with them, make sure that they know exactly what you've done to get your kid to this to this level. And you're going to always make them involved in the process, whether it be the cleanup, make sure that they're wiping make sure they're putting their dirty laundry in the hamper. And that's it, guys and you i And you know what? I bet you all knew this anyway, the steps to pie trading are not the problem for anybody in here. It's where I am in my heart about my child being able to do this. Unknown Speaker 51:53 Does this make sense for everybody? Unknown Speaker 51:57 I love this. I love this tuple. Unknown Speaker 52:01 I would love, love to be able to show this Q A to my family. Yes, this is so valuable. This is the part I'd love help with. I'm here as a pro, and I take it very seriously. Your kids can do this. I love it, Jamie, I am privileged. Make sure you put up tat when you say to it, make sure you're not just sending it to the host. So everyone can write, see what you're writing. Don't chew to host and pounds do to everyone. This is part I love. I'm a hero. I'm here as a pro, and I take very seriously your kids can do this. I'm privileged to help. However, I don't want to be in a bad situation with other people's kids. Example, hand over, hand hand cleaning with a screaming child has been a no go for me. Yeah, I understand. You gotta understand guys like no your school professionals may know how to do this, but don't want to, they can find all the reasons that will seem acceptable to not be a part of it. That's why it should be you, and it builds it builds strength in your ability to teach them. It's so important, I can't tell you how valuable it's been that I've taught Juliana so many things myself that when I come to the IEP table, I'm so equipped to really help them, help her and put together a plan for success. I'm not saying I don't get emotional at them. I could still get emotional at them. I could still get a little fierce mommy, barely show a little bit of show a little bit of pause, a little bit of claw. But what I'm saying is, is that what I do Unknown Speaker 53:16 at home has made me the best parent I could be for my kids. I'm not saying I don't make mistakes. I do, but they're always mistakes out of love. And let me tell you something, 95% of the things I did for Juliana did not work. Unknown Speaker 53:31 Whoever had the thought of like, I'm a fear of I'm afraid I'm gonna do damage. I should be like the poster poster mom for that, because I did so many things that didn't work, but I over never saw those things as problems. I always saw them like, well, I know it didn't work. She might have got a little upset, but I know that it's getting me one step closer to finding what did I always saw it as process of elimination, versus like, 95% of the things I tried, which is such a fucking waste of time, it fails. How many times many of you have felt that way and when you feel that way? How often how motivated you gonna be to try something else? Right? Unknown Speaker 54:05 He said, I'm I said, I am a pro, and I believe kids can do this. I love to help, but I'm in a bad situation that where I can do things like, Oh yes, I understand. Understood. Jamie, all right, so I'm gonna go to the chat. Who wants it now? If you want to get coached, I'm gonna answer some questions. If you want to get coach tonight, you're gonna raise your hands. You're yelling. Your yellow hands, if it's yellow, I don't know that. I don't know if they come in multiple colors. You're going to raise your hand. You're going to make sure you have good audio, good video, so we can all enjoy the coaching. Unknown Speaker 54:34 All right, Unknown Speaker 54:35 I'm going to start with Paula. Unknown Speaker 54:39 Your screen's gonna flash, Paula, and then I'm gonna you're gonna come up and we can talk to you. Unknown Speaker 54:46 BCBA, told school wasn't important because my son would never graduate. Oh my gosh, Sarah, my heart breaks. It's like I need a new school. I need a new BCBA, hi, Unknown Speaker 54:57 Paula, you gotta unmute yourself. I. Unknown Speaker 55:06 Yes. Stephanie, you will have access to the slack as well. Welcome. Unknown Speaker 55:14 Hi, Paula, you ready? Yes, Sarah, you remove your son immediately as bullshit. I wouldn't like that. I know, oh, I don't like this place. Like, okay, I'll homeschool. I work full time. I'm, you know, I'm doing my business here, but I'll homeschool before I keep a child, my child in med school, one minute more than I needed to. All right, Paul, are you ready to talk? I think you need audio. Unknown Speaker 55:35 Just need to connect to audio. Unknown Speaker 55:39 Welcome Stefania. Welcome Stephanie. Stefania, I hope I say your name, right. Unknown Speaker 55:47 All right, Jamie. Can you Paula, can you talk? If not, I'm gonna go to Jamie. Anonymous attendee. While we're waiting, my son is six years old, nonverbal, ASD, level two and ADHD, first day one, BM accent. Today two, urine accents, and we're doing good. However, he refused to do number two in the toilet. First off, anonymous attendee. Hats off. See what I'm saying. You guys are already shifting. I love it. So listen, what I like to do is, I like to look at the data. So I look at them. They just say that shit on the floor. Michelle, there is no data. No there is there's a time of day. What was I doing? What was they what were they doing? And then I tweak and test the process. What's the reward for a rehab natural desire to use the toilet? Because if we don't, we're gonna make a mess, and we have to clean it up. They don't have any of that. So we got to create external, or I call it, quote, unquote, artificial desire, in the form of some something high value, until that natural reinforcement comes for them too. You'll see that when you start getting into the process supply chain, after a while, they're going to see the value, and a lot of my kids will just start going on their own. All right, I'm Paula. Is not connecting to audio, so I'm going to go to Jamie next. But if you want to be coached, raise your hand. Unknown Speaker 56:57 All right, Jamie, you are next, and I will keep answering questions in the Q and A. Hi. I'm Amber from Georgia. Hi, Amber. Unknown Speaker 57:05 This is when the chat wasn't working. Let's see if you have me, you can use the Q and A if you're shy. Hi, Jamie. Thank you so much, Michelle. I'm a BCBA and a psychologist, and I'm just here to help the children that I work with, and I feel like I can get it like 90% and you've helped a lot. Help me understand sometimes with the parent carryover piece at home, but the piece that I really struggle with is I'm super good at getting the bathroom to be like Disneyland, but sometimes going in our clothing becomes neutral, so I'm sending home, you know, multiple pairs of wet undies to parents, and I feel bad about that, and that slows down our progress, because I'm not in a position. And, you know, I think parents need to try their best. But in a clinic or in a school, when a parent makes a child makes a mess, that's okay, and I can offer to have them clean it up, but I can't if they engage in unfortunate behavior. I get that kind of needs to be the end of it. You know what I would do? And I would offer this if you don't want to do it yourself, because I think tonight would be, I think it's very eye opening for if you're a professional, we've had professionals come through some of my courses. And I think one of the biggest things that you guys could do for your parents is bring the mindset awareness to the game, because they feel like this is like a death sentence. And I did too. I'm guilty of this too. The name of the game is to come back. Listen, none of us signed up for autism, but it's here, so we get to say, Okay, listen, if autism is here, what kind of life do I want to create for myself and my child? And that's kind of where I was. There was a time where I thought, like, I could cure autism, probably till the till she was the age of five, and it was the wrong thing to think. But I don't regret thinking it, because it served me well. Now, did it cause some pain when I realized that that wasn't a true thing to think, yes, but then I kind of like, licked my wounds, and I felt real sad. I'm like, Okay, looks like autism is here to stay. And as she gets older, there's going to be these. I call it the whack a mole, there's always going to be an autism pop up problem with with age appropriate things. So I said, What if she could have autism and live an amazing life? And then that's what I've been running with ever since. And one of the best things that you could do for your parents, and I'm happy to if you want to send me a message offline, if you want me to do a training for you or your team or for your parents, is to talk about the mindset part, because if they're not carrying it through, because they think it's not going to work, or it's your job, or I'm not equipped. I don't need to know how to do this, or I can't do this because you went to school for this and I don't that's probably why you're struggling with some of these kids, is that there's no generalization at home, and I can 100% get communication and I can stop severe problems, but I see too many 10 and 12 year olds in diapers, and at that point we have a severe problem that with staff. Unknown Speaker 1:00:00 Not even wanting to wipe off. And I don't blame them. This is a reason for our parents of older kids to get this done already all set with love and just get it done so that they can. They would much rather. You would agree with me on this. Have you hand a working baton to them, versus, like, a bunch of diapers and like, have at it, not underwears and change their clothes, you've got to take some sort of ownership of this, a skill taught in center that's not generalized, will never stick. So here's what I would say for the problem that you're having. So the one is that, if they're neutral, can you put in a reward system in place? Like when they go they get a reward? Unknown Speaker 1:00:37 Oh, absolutely, Unknown Speaker 1:00:40 like a specific example. So basically, they'll have a they'll have wet, you'll have them going at 10 intervals, and then all of a sudden, you'll notice somebody wet, and they didn't indicate got it. So something along that I would start taking data around, like, are there specific things if that's, is that a child that's had progress, or is that a child that's like, right in the throes of potty training? Unknown Speaker 1:01:00 Sometimes we'll get to a certain amount of progress, and then that stacks up on us. Sometimes we're kind of on that tightrope, and we're really good with the data. It's just a matter of getting the reps. And I think you know that, but if it's in like, the middle of it, like, where we've had some success, but now all of a sudden, we're seeing these, these accents. We don't make it seem like a mystery. Want to start analyzing the accent. So it's okay. I take ABC data around when accents happen. Sometimes, if they're doing like, a high prefer like, like working with Play Doh or working on an iPad, they'll have an accident, and they'll do it probably consistently. So if that happens, they say, Okay, we're gonna work with Plato. And even if it isn't the normal time, I would take them, if this is a child that does that's okay, first P then Play Doh, so that would do a first none in though, in those instances. But the first thing you want to do if a child does this, because we had a child that would do it every time they ate for dinner. And I'd say, Mom, just take her beforehand. If she goes, she she goes, you probably would be right. She doesn't go, you're going to be watching her. And then that's how we're going to start to build. We just got to be all over. So she knows this is not where we go and you gotta and I know the cleanup part is hard for you, but at home, if this happens at home with you guys, they need to be cleaning it up, hand over hand. And this is a prime example of why you don't wait on the school to do this, because her hands are tied. Her people don't want to do this. No more. Your kids are getting too old that they're tired of touching piss and shit they I'm telling you, they ain't paid enough to do it, and that's why this has to be something that we carry the strength of. We get the momentum, and then we share that progress with the school, and then they can carry it over. It's just a bad look for us to be holding down a struggling child. Unknown Speaker 1:02:34 Anyway. There should be no lockdown of anything. So, like, here's the thing, like, if a child is struggling just to sit, then that's where my way work starts. It doesn't start with the elimination. It starts with just compliance. You know what you got to do? So I would just be ABC dating around when they're having these, these accidents. I might refresh the rewards. Sometimes they get tired of the rewards, and I like to refresh it. I look at, I don't know, I look at watering, I look at, I look at everything. I just, but I wouldn't look at it as like, I think one of the things that can happen things that can happen, and she had this thought too, is like, it's out of nowhere, and they don't care, and they may not care, but me just spending a little mental time there makes it feel like an unsolvable problem. Or say, Okay, why? Why was it at this very moment, I like to, I like to get all scientists and really study what like, certain like behaviors, of like, when they happen and why, and then I can kind of figure out the solve from there. If that's helpful, I like that. Yeah, I'm gonna do that. What would be super helpful to me, maybe, just from your massive experience, is when I'm telling parents this, and when I'm handing over five pairs of wet underwear, I feel very bad, but I tell them, I'm like, if we're not doing this well, because they hate it, frankly, and they want to send it. What they say? What do you mean? They hate it? I'm sure that. I'm sure nobody. Sometimes they're like, Oh, he's not ready, that we're doing this. And I'm like, Well, what else are we doing? Like you're sending him here. What else is a better use of my time than potty training your trial? Interesting position to be in as a practitioner, because if they're thinking they're not ready, and you're pushing it, it's almost like I'm I'm fighting against a current that does not want to be on board with us. I'm going to be send me a message after this, I'd like to talk to you. I'm going to be running a autism coach certification sometime this summer. I think one of the biggest things has to happen for you is that, listen, you're running a classroom or a practice there, and if the parents are saying that shit, then why am I spending my time here? Do you see what I'm saying? So we're not going to be on board, and then they're stuck when they're 12. Yeah, no, I know. And you know, I may not let go, because then I end up with the 12 year old, and then it's a huge mess that I can't I get it, but this is such a waste of your time. Yeah, if they're like, Oh, see, they're not ready, well, you're not ready. It's not they're not ready. You're not ready. We need to have a come to Jesus moment. And I think one of the biggest things that parent training is missing therapies. Therapists are missing is the mindset part of this. Like, listen, if you're not going to be on board with this single. Unknown Speaker 1:05:00 Work. I'll tell you for sure, this ain't gonna work. I can't do all the work, and then you're gonna follow through. He's with you, or she's with you a lot more than me. And if you're just sending an underwear with a wing and a prayer, that's that's not how this works. We all have to be in collaboration. So if somebody's like that, I'd be really I hate this, because all I'd want you to be working on is potty training, getting them talking, stomp on behaviors, but I'd be putting my energy elsewhere. See, this is such a good conversation for all of you to watch, because if a imagine a teacher getting frustrated like this, how motivated or how successful are you going to be, especially if they think that you think they're not ready, you're pushing. And on the front would you have parents agree like i You're going to give me three months, six months, and I can send home as many wet underwear as needed, because I always know I care. You know you're still in that mindset of fighting an uphill battle here. I think the conversation that needs to be had in your head and with them is, are you ready to be a part of this process Unknown Speaker 1:06:00 that the thought of like, Listen, are you okay with 10 that would be answered because you both said yes. At the beginning of that conversation, we're gonna do whatever it takes. You don't feel bad about five or 10. You're thinking that five or 10 wet underwears means that you ain't doing a good job. That ain't that. What's happening here, it's data. That's it. We're working on stuff here. I only got a Monday through Friday. What are you doing? Are you putting them on a pull up as soon as you as soon as you leave here? Well, no wonder why you don't. Don't be surprised when you got five or 10 underways, all right? And then you get to decide, I don't want you guys. You know, you guys are like, Unknown Speaker 1:06:32 so undervalued and underappreciated, and this is such a good conversation for everybody to watch, because she's getting so discouraged and she's feeling bad, and if she's in that energy, how successful or how motivated she going to be to really keep doing this, if she's fighting against a current like this, Unknown Speaker 1:06:49 I hate that. For you, I hate that, and that's why I'm I'm so adamant that parents need to be the ultimate teacher. You're going to help her by seeing it through, even if your see through is messy. All said with love. I hope this makes sense to you, Jamie, yeah, this is helpful for everybody to hear a teacher in the throes of trying to pie train children when parents are not on board, or when parents think it's not possible, or parents aren't seeing it through at home. And I know some of you don't even have Jamie. Or somebody would love Jamie. I would love, I would have loved to have Jamie back when we were doing this, it was all on me to do this, because we didn't have any she ain't probably she can't come here until she was three, by the time, she could go to a special needs school where it would be acceptable for that. So all I say with love is that keep, keep, keep your head up, Jamie, really start to talk. I would really talk about, if I'm going to start potty training kids at my school, that you mean, and the parents need to have a come to Jesus moment, about where they what do they think their child's capable of? And are you going to be a partner with me in this, or are you going to push against the work I'm trying to do here? And this is what it may look like. And are you, and I'm just telling you that ahead of time, it may look fabulous, or you may come home with 20 pairs of wet underwear, Unknown Speaker 1:07:58 and we and are you? Are you willing to work with me to troubleshoot why that keeps happening. Listen, I've been at this for five days, and I got 20 pairs of underwear every single day, and we're not getting proving we need to talk. All said with love. Unknown Speaker 1:08:10 Sound good. Thank you very much. I really appreciate it. It was a pleasure speaking with you. I think everybody appreciate you. Raising your hand, all right, I'll talk to you soon. Alrighty, Last call for questions. Oh, we have Rachel. I'm gonna do one more, and then we're gonna wrap. I hope this was helpful for everybody. Gosh, that was such a good conversation. She's, I could tell she's like, Jamie's like, one of these professionals that really loves her job, wants to do good by these kids, and she don't want them in diapers. She knows they're capable. And imagine having all that energy. Imagine me making you join my program, and I'm so excited, and you're like, Yeah, but you know, I don't know if it's gonna work so and I don't know, you know, yeah, you're telling me to do this, but I did it for an hour and it didn't work. I would get to fail. I wouldn't want to work with you anymore, because I'm like, What do you mean? You gotta stay with me. Stay with me. Now, I'm not saying you ain't gonna have a moment if we're working together and you're like, this is hard, Michelle. And I said, I know it's hard, but I got you tell me what happened. Break it down. I'm gonna give you a better way, and you're gonna feel better by the time we hang up. Unknown Speaker 1:09:13 I think that's why I think it's such a important moment to make a decision if you do want help, and you click on that link and join because that's your moment. It's not the first tinkle in the potty. It's the decision that I make in this moment, that I'm going to do things differently and I'm not going to stop till goal. And I found something, if you feel this way, I found something that's going to take me to it. Okay, I'm going to do Rachel, and then we're going to wrap for the night. I hope tonight was helpful for everybody. All right, eight years old having trouble poop with the only withholding tried MiraLAX. I would not do MiraLAX because guys, think about if I'm giving my child a laxative to go to the bathroom, you and I could have a stomach bug, or you and I could take a laxative, Unknown Speaker 1:09:53 and we might not make it to the bathroom. We've had years of experience, so when we're doing that to stimulate the bowels of our children, you. Unknown Speaker 1:10:00 And they're still trying to learn the feeling of nature calling. It's going to be very difficult for them to poop train that way. I like to think of going a natural route. We have a dietitian in our program that has tons of ideas. I have tons of ideas as well. Unknown Speaker 1:10:13 Rachel declined to be coached. All right, so I'm just going to answer some questions. Anybody Unknown Speaker 1:10:19 who has questions wants to get coach live. You can raise your hand. Florida, 10 year old boy, praise discipline sitting with him. Will pee in the toilet, but not poop, only poops in the bathtub or pool. Oh look, God, I had that too. So you could look at a poop, a poop situation, right? I'm going to try you again, Rachel, you raise your hand again. I'm going to put you up. You got to accept the Promote to panelist request. Okay, Juliana is a swim wizard. She's on a championship team, a championship winning team right now. And it all started at safety swim, where she was just learning the basics how to get it out of the pool. I got to drown. Had a swim to the side and crawl out from the side. Hi, Rachel. One second. Hi. I'm sorry. Okay, no worries. No worries. I took her to safety swim every Saturday, and when I, when I potty trained her, the first thing I got was pee. It's very normal to get pee first, and she wasn't in every everyday pooper. She was like an every couple of days. So it made sense, and if you have that, it will make sense that you'll get pee first and take poop will take longer because you don't get as many times to practice. So she got into this habit where she would hold it all week until we got to safety swim and went in the pool, and she would poop in the pool. Now we'd had this happen to us, but every time somebody poops in the pool, everyone's got to get out. Everyone has lessons. Got to get out. The staffs got to call all the lessons for the next two hours, because the pools got to filter all the way through and cancel the lessons. It's a pain in the ass. But I had it happen to us, so the first time she did I didn't think anything of it. Then she did it then she did it a second week, third week, fourth week, fifth week. And by then, everyone knew it was us. So the last time she did it, I remember pulling her out of the pool, running into the bathroom, locking us in there, hysterical crying, both of us, and I felt so awful. And I could hear like I could just feel the energy of like all of the frustrated parents. Of course, it's winter, so we have to strip them down and put them in their little suits, little snow suits, to get out home, and the staff is going to lose their their their schedule for the next two hours. It was just horrible. And I listened at the door crying silently, waiting for everybody to leave. And I walked out with Juliana, and I told them, we will not be back until I figure this out. And on the way home, I decided I'm quitting swim. I can't do this anymore, so making me crazy. I can't do this anymore. And I told my husband, we're quitting swim. And after a couple hours, I calmed down, I said, we live on Long Island, and I would be criminal for her not to know how to swim. And I said to myself, after I calmed down, I said, she's doing it here for a reason. You have to figure this out. And I think one of the things I realized is that it was one of those times I wasn't watching her, because I was watching behind the glass, and this lady who's swimming, you know, doing her swim that's only sees her 3030, minutes a week. She doesn't know her tells. And Juliana had this thing where she'd kind of go off into like, a non blinking stare. And I was like, Oh, she's trying to either hold a poop or poops about to come. So I made the decision in the calmness, like I have to go in the pool with her, was the only way I'm gonna be able to break this. So the next week, I had my bathing suit on. All the other parents are looking at me like, I'm in at me like I'm a nut. And I said, Listen, I'm gonna watch from the side. If you want me to come in, I'll come in. And anytime I think she's gonna go, I'm gonna take her from here. And it was a way I already was prepared to waste the 30 minutes. So the first five minutes in, I thought I saw it. I yanked her, ran out of the bathroom, ripped the wet bathing suit down, put her on the toilet, nothing. So all right, back up. Bring her back in there again. I'm watching about five minutes later, I saw it again. I grabbed her. Guess what? She pooped in the pool, not the pool. Sorry. She pooped in the toilet at safety swim this time, and she never pooped in the pool again. Unknown Speaker 1:13:35 But had I sat in that, this is what I'm talking about, like the defeatness of autism, sometimes, because I was thinking that as well, like, we're going to quit swim. We can't do this. Autism is making it so that I can't poop train her. If I had sat in that and I never got like myself out of it, I never had the mindset shift. It's like, No, we can't do this. We have to solve why she keeps doing it here, and how do I I would never been able to get to the problem solving mode of my brain. And unfortunately, a lot of families stay here, and they never get out of that. And the only way you're going to be able to get out of that is get practice. Get practice solving for these what feel like impossible problems to solve. And that's what I offer with my program. We do this together so that I can help you to see, I can see the blind spots you guys are. And I was in the day, I was in the fight, so I couldn't see what was going on, like, in my head, like, why she keeps doing in the pool? I'm just praying she doesn't do it in the pool, right? It says, like, why is she doing in there? Why is it the perfect place to do it? There's nobody's messing with her. Nobody's trying to get out of the toilet. She's relaxed. She's not thinking about holding it. Was probably a gazillion different things, but I couldn't even see it. Had I not gotten out of my own way with all those shitty thoughts about autism? Is the reason that she can't do this. We're just gonna quit swim. That's the easy that would have been the easy way to solve the problem, right? And she, I don't even know if she'd even be swimming today. She's on a championship swim team now. Now I don't know if that would have been possible if I, if I didn't figure out the poops in the pool. All right, Rachel, I'm sorry, we're ready, right? So I'm sorry I'm technology. Unknown Speaker 1:15:00 You not very savvy. So, okay, Unknown Speaker 1:15:03 okay, I'm a mom of 213, year old with autism. But the main point I was gonna try to get to is I am a teacher that is getting promoted to principal next year, and we have a lot, a lot of autism kids, and I just what you said about you said something you had, Unknown Speaker 1:15:31 I was kind of, Unknown Speaker 1:15:33 I lost your audio. What did you say? Like, another training, another, something. Oh, sorry. I'm going to be doing an autism coach certification, so parents who want to become coaches BCBAs or teachers who want to be autism coaches, like coaching parents or children doing what I do, helping parents with with the common problems that they get stuck on. In August, I'm going to be doing that. So as long as you're on my mailing list, I'm going to send out a couple of emails in August about that. But basically that's going to be, if you want to do what I do. This is what I see. I believe autism was sent to me as much as I didn't want it. You all, all of us, nobody signed up for it. Autism was sent to me. I believe that, and I got when Unknown Speaker 1:16:16 he sent it, because I always thought that, like Unknown Speaker 1:16:20 I was being punished, or she was he ruined her because I didn't know what it could mean to have autism and live an amazing life. I didn't know that back then, when she was diagnosed, I remember having a thought one day, and I'm gonna die one day. Who's gonna care for when I'm gone? And something about that thought, as scary as it was, kind of snapped me out of my shit and got me to take action to help her. And that's and then I remember when I was taking that messy action, shit on the floors, piss on my couch, all of that stuff. I remember, listen, God, you know we don't have to like each other, but let's just work in parallel. Unknown Speaker 1:16:53 And then eventually I got her using sign language, and then she started to make sounds, and then she started to talk. And then she was potty trained, and she was going to school with neurotypical peers. And then I have this beautiful life with her today. And now I believe full circle. I've come full circle that I believe my higher power, whatever you want to believe. You believe in God, your higher power, intuition, universe, whatever that autism was, sent to me to heal my girl so I could take what I learned and helped so many other families do the same for their children. And then I believe my next course, because it seems so clean to me, the path is now I'm going to teach other moms to do what I do, because I can't help everybody. As much as I'd love to help everyone, I can only help those who want to work with me, those who want me to help them. I have tons of free stuff. I have tons of cheap stuff. You can go and do this on your own, but for the parents that are really hurting, that are really stuck, I can't help all of them. So my mission is to now teach as many people as I can to do what I do, because there's so many families out there that need love, help and support with us. So that's what I was talking about earlier. So yeah. So, if you're interested in getting information on that, just stay on my mailing list, and then I'll be sending out, probably in July, I'll start sending out some messages about enrollment opening for my autism coach certification. I'm excited about that. Unknown Speaker 1:18:16 Perfect. Yeah, thank you. That was the only question you had. I mean, there's a lot. There's is your child? You have a child on the spectrum? Unknown Speaker 1:18:26 He has been diagnosed with autism. He's three years old. He just started school in February, when he started three years old. Unknown Speaker 1:18:36 Is he potty trained? No, not at all. Talk about that. We're trying. All right. Well, tell me about it. So what's going on? He, I mean, he will sometimes sit on the potty, like he'll, he'll sit, but he, how long will he sit for? Does he pop back up as soon as you sit him? Yeah, 10 seconds. Okay. All right. Fair enough. So what do you think the problem is? Why do you think he's not probably trained at this point? I mean, I don't I think he's young, like he just turned three in February. Hi, there is he showing any potty readiness signs? Unknown Speaker 1:19:11 Not really. All right. All Unknown Speaker 1:19:14 right. Let's talk about a few. You might be right. So let's talk about a few. Does he ever like is he ever interested when you or anybody else goes into the bathroom to go in there with you. Yes, okay. Does he ever try to take off a dirty diaper? No, yes, at night sometimes, all right. Does he ever go times like, let's say he changes diaper fresh in the morning, and he runs around for a few hours and it stays dry, and all of a sudden it's big, whoosh, yes, yes. Does he ever wake up dry? Unknown Speaker 1:19:45 No, okay, fair enough. You've got three sub three already. He's ready to be pie. Change. Only need one. Unknown Speaker 1:19:52 So what do you think the problem is? I Unknown Speaker 1:19:59 don't know. Unknown Speaker 1:20:00 No, I don't know. I don't know. That's fair. So listen, I'm gonna do this for everybody. You're helping so many people, and you're gonna help yourself. I'm gonna clear the path for you right now. Okay, so if you think I don't know, would you mindset? 95% of the game is mindset. I already told you guys this, right? So when I resigned to and I don't know, my brain stops problem solving, it stops thinking, and I always imagine a brick wall going up, and all the possible reasons as to why your son's not potty trained or not further along or behind it. So now that I've said that, what's the first thing that comes to your mind? Even if it sounds Unknown Speaker 1:20:31 crazy, he's also, like, he just been diagnosed, like, gluten free, like, the freaking gluten free, like, he can't he got a lot going on. Yeah? All right. So a lot going on. So you see what's going on here. I just want to show you, like, just bring awareness to this. He's got all the signs. He's ready to Potter. He's got more than one. He's got three. And I bet if I went through another list of them, we find one, right? Yeah, but he's ready, but he's not going to initiate, right? He if I could pee in poop, in a diaper, and that works for me. Why would I change? He's just like every other human being on the planet, I want to do the least amount for the biggest payout. But here's where you're at, right? He's got autism. He may not be ready. Just turned three, Michelle, Unknown Speaker 1:21:14 right? And then it's like, okay, he's got a lot going on. He's got the gluten thing. You haven't even attempted it, because you have the thought that, because of all these things in that column, I can just poop so much, and I just don't play much, okay? And like, when he went to school, like, he just started school in February, and like, they just keep sending him home, like, every day, like, because he just can't, like, what are you sending him in with underwear and they're sending him home with dirty clothes? No, they're just saying, like, Oh, this is too much. This is diarrhea. This is everything. So, like, they're just, they're saying that they're sending him home with, with, like, dirty clothes, or just, like, they've changed his diaper a bunch of times. No, they just changed his diaper a bunch of times. Yeah. Okay, so they're saying that. See how this is so interesting, right? It's almost like what Jamie said that she feels guilty she's setting home a bunch of dirty stuff. And you feel guilty because you're receiving a bunch of dirty stuff. Everybody's feeling guilty. Nobody's getting potty trained, right? So that's the first thing. The first thing is like, listen, they're just giving you data. Your brain is spinning on that, see, and because he can't even stay dry at school, and he's just pooping non stop. This can't happen. It probably feels really overwhelming to even think about starting every time you get a care package like that coming home, Unknown Speaker 1:22:33 right? Would it be fair to say yes, yes. So I have to get to a point where, like, getting five dirty on these. This for Jamie too. Whether I'm sending home five dirty undies as a parent, as a teacher, or I'm receiving a notification that they've changed his diaper five times, is neutral, because as long as there's some negative energy charge to it, it sends me into a fight or flight, and I can't problem solve from there, and Unknown Speaker 1:22:59 it's just my brains be like, listen, just this is why we can't even attempt potty training. So the first thing that you have to do anybody who's struggling like in this realm, is, I've got to start to neutralize what is going on, that maybe this is just okay, and that this, this doesn't mean that he can't pie tree. It's just what he's going through right now. He's got some, he's got, he's got, if he's got a gluten sensitivity, and we haven't started working on addressing that, then hey, he's got a gluten sensitivity. I didn't know it. Now he does. Now I'm going to fix it. That's it, and I just look at it from a very systematic place. And so it doesn't mean he can't potty train. That just means that's where my starting point is. So I want to get it so that he's not having these uncontrollable bowel blow ups, and he's not pooping 100 times a day. So with you, I would work on the dietary first, and then while working on the dietary, I would just practice sitting, just to sit, and if he sits, this is what I do for my family's life program. I say, okay, get up, get one of those big meat timers with the numbers, and I command, strip it down. And I say, okay, um, I think it's something like, I go to the dollar store. Juliana loved blind bags. I don't those are still popular. Now, back in the day, the blind bags, like, it has, like, there's a creature inside the bag, and you don't know what there's, like, six different creatures. You don't know which one it is. You grab the bag and you open it, and that's how you find it. So we did a lot with wine bags. So I got a bunch of dollar store blind bags, throw them in a box, decorated the box say these are all yours. Every time you sit on the toilet so that alarm goes off, you get to pick one, something easy like that, or it could be a sticker, or it could be a piggyback ride. It could be anything, right? And then each time that we practice without telling him, I increase the time five seconds, and that's how I get them sitting. And then once I get it up to three to five minutes, I'm ready to start considering pie training. Considering pie training. Hopefully, if I'm doing that at the same time as I'm working on the dietary, we'll be ready to go. And that's kind of how I handle it. From a very I was trying to be very systematic and meet you guys where you're at because, like, what she's talking about is causing some trauma in her. And same thing with Jamie, it's causing a little trauma for her when emotions are high until it. Unknown Speaker 1:25:00 Are low, Unknown Speaker 1:25:01 so we got to just meet you where you are and be systematic and how we see this through. And that's kind of why I love working with parents directly. We're struggling with these things, because I'm going to meet you where you're at, and we're going to take it gently and gently. So that's why some parents get results in six days. Some parents get results in eight weeks, and there's no judgment for either one, both of them. Both of them get to go. I don't give a shit, I'm gonna meet you where you're at. We're gonna make this so this doesn't feel overwhelming, so you don't feel whatever, and then we're just gonna gently get to go. Doesn't that feel so much better the way I just talked about it? Yeah? Feels, it feels, it feels doable, yes, yeah, yeah. You guys can choose to make this doable, or you could just, like, think about everything that's a part of it and be so overwhelmed and not do anything. I think that's what happens. What happens to a lot of us, and that's okay. Awareness is a gift, because now I know that this is what's happening. I get to change it. One of the best gifts I hope you guys walk away with tonight is it's not them, Unknown Speaker 1:25:56 they're ready. They're just waiting for us. It's us. So I just gotta fix me. Oh, it's easy. It's me. I It's me, not you. It's me. I fix me. I always say, like, if I'm the queen of my castle, and there are rules to living in my home, I set that standard, but if I believe my child can't meet that standard, because autism makes it so that they can't do it, I lower the bar, and they're like, great. We don't want to do anything anyway, right? But if I believe that they can do it, this is not going to be optional in my home anymore. I'm not buying diapers anymore. I set the bar and guess what? If they want to live in a harmonious home with their family, they have no choice. They have to rise to meet that expectation. Unknown Speaker 1:26:33 Sound good, yeah. All set with love. You got this Jamie. Oh, sorry, Rachel, Jamie's in the thing. She's cheering you on too. Unknown Speaker 1:26:42 What are you thinking? You're good, yeah. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Tell me what you're thinking. No, no, he's okay. He's, I'm, I'm, I'm good. You're good. All right, all right. Well, you've been, like, a great help. Oh, I love it. All right, awesome. Well, thank you for sharing. I think it's helpful for this summer. Like, yeah. All right, awesome. I love it. All right. So that's a wrap for potty power round two. I hope this was helpful. Goodbye, everyone. If you're ready to help your baby now with potty training, communication or stopping their problem behaviors, I want to invite you to watch my free 10 minute video training that shows you how I took my daughter with autism from pre verbal to sign language, potty training with a sign to making sounds and then speaking. Head over to Michelle B rogers.com forward slash training. That's Michelle M, I, C, H, E, L, L, E, B, as in boy Rogers, R, O, G, E, R, s.com, Unknown Speaker 1:27:47 forward slash training. See you. There you. Transcribed by https://otter.ai