Potty Training – Aiden Smith

We’d have to play around with next steps… My intuition is to have him flush the toilet after you’re done changing him. What do you think?

Could also graduate to changing him on the toilet not ideal but will get him practiced sitting. What do you think would be an easy uplevel? Also I would like about a reward at some point for complying. If you just take him in and say this is where we change diapers, thats ok but how could I make him want to head in there and not complain 100% of the time?

Tell me what is coming up for you?

i rewatched the video you sent me a few weekends ago and I must say, I am so impressed with his ability to communicate. His tantrum to me might have started as ..>WTF why she not giving me my popcorn and then it turned into attention seeking when he was throwing the chairs down and looking directly at you, waiting for your reaction. This is an easy one to solve but harder if i think his tears are causing “pain”. To me he’s just using it to get needs met but he doesn’t need it, he has a fantastic voice and can communicate without it. We just need to show him how by not engaging with the tears which is only salty water coming out of his eyes.. no physical or mental pain happening there. I also see it at this point as potentially knee jerk reactions, and just a habit he’s gotten into that we need to break. If you don’t put any meaning behind the tears then this will be easier for you to mitigate.

So that video also got me thinking that this boy might like variety. You could put a few things in the box.

So to explain in a nutshell how the rewards work it’s this…

Rewards (or reinforcers) aren’t bribes. They’re communication tools.
They’re how we say:

“That choice you just made? It worked. Let’s do more of that.”

For kids who struggle with compliance or show strong resistance to adult direction, rewards give power back to the child in a structured way.

So it doesn’t fight their wiring. It works with it.

We identify what matters to your child (not what you wish mattered).

Then we tie progress to their own motivation.
“If you sit for 3 seconds, you get the iPad.”
“If you pee, you earn that bubble party.”

We build momentum with success.

For kids like Aiden, we start with low demands and stack wins.

Every win is a reminder: I can do this. I’m safe.

We’re not teaching compliance for its own sake.

We’re teaching the child how to get their needs met without a fight.

It’s not “do what I say.” It’s “Here’s the roadmap to your YES.”

Why rewards are especially helpful for kids with extreme defiance:
They cut through the power struggle.

They create clarity: “When I do __, I get __.”

They build internal motivation over time, because success feels good.

Eventually, the behavior sticks even without a reinforcer.
But first, we have to light the path.

You’re not “controlling” your child. You’re giving them tools to control their own world more effectively.

Lets say I came up with a delicious treat, say it was a hershey kiss. That means he doens’t get any chocolate or candy for that matter at any other time from anyone for anything, unless it was being used to get him to sit on the toilet if that was our next step. This helps the reward from getting stale. Now You want to DIAL in the reward to meet the request. I always say I like it to be 10x the ask. The #1 way to make a reward work is by withholding it (hence its just for potty training). So it stays strong. If he can get skittles or cookies or anything in that arena at other times, I can see why that would be an issue. Some kids like variety. Some kids like the blind bags, I have a mom in UK potty training with wrapped presents. It’s all about getting creative with his favorite things and using them as an incentive to get him to comply. If he knows that when you do this, he’ll cry and drop to the grown and you’ll stop, you reinforcing the crying. So you may have to go through what we call an extinction burst, where things need to get worse before they get better. (That looks like hey.. I’m crying..that usually gets me something.. you’re not acknowledging me, so Now I am going to cry harder because you must not hear me)

I could also see from that Video he loves TV and IPAD… those will be great to use when it’s time to train.

So now to our next step. You know how you moved the diaper changing to the bathroom and he didn’t love it but he’s doing it… that’s happening because you told him.. there was no other option.. it was just a decision in your brain….its the same thing with sitting on the toilet. Say “Buddy, Mommy’s back hurt’s i need you to sit here or I can’t do it”, Make shit up.. .just get him to understand now we doing it on the toilet. And know, he isn’t going to love it but if I can pair it with something worth it.. he’ll learn to tolerate it faster. And do it with the seat closed that will be easier to do and see how he takes it. If it’s too much dial it back to flush and done and get neutral at that step before you move on to the next.

Let me know your thoughts.

I would just ignore and leave the snack bar for him to get. No eye contact, no feedback, no reaction, just leave it and walk. BUT THERE WAS A WIN IN THIS>>> I take it anyway I can get it.. He did it! Just keep practicing and this kink might work itself out. VERY PROUD OF THIS PROGRESS… he’s starting to disprove some hard stuck beliefs in himself and you, just has to get the hang of how this works.

I would just have him sit on the closed toilet lid, while you get the diaper, slide the one off, he’ll have to go up and down on the seat.. then flush, throw it out..and on his merry way.. dont over think it.. we just want more interaction with sitting.