🔥Burn the Boats: The Shift That Changes Everything

The Only Way Forward is Through

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I was on a call with a mom of a 9-year-old girl who is high functioning on the spectrum. She is in general education class with an aid and talks. The only hiccup? She’s still not potty trained.

Mom tells me, “She knows where to go. She uses the toilet at school when reminded. She can wipe herself, pull her pants up and down. But at home? She won’t go unless I tell her to. And sometimes, she just… doesn’t.”

So I ask, “What happens if you don’t remind her?”

Mom said. “She’ll sit there in a wet pull-up, completely unbothered, and then I’ll just go and change her and clean her up.”

Her daughter knows what to do. But she’s comfortable. She has no reason to change.

The little girl is nine years old, verbal, thriving in a general ed classroom.

And still in diapers.

From my perspective this is a 2 prong problem…

First if you ask this mom why her daughter isn’t potty trained yet, she’ll tell you some version of “it’s the autism.”

That sounds like “She doesn’t feel the urge.”

“She has sensory issues.”

“Maybe she’s just not ready yet.”

In her mind, it’s something external—something out of her control. And that’s why she believes it can’t be fixed.

Which leads to the second part of this problem.

Her daughter isn’t potty trained because there’s no real reason for her to be.

She’s comfortable.

She has options.

Diapers are always available.

She gets changed when she needs it. Nothing about her daughter’s life demands that she do anything differently, so why would she?

You have to burn the boat of disbelief.

There’s an old story about a leader who brought his army to battle and then burned their boats so there was no way to retreat. The only way forward was to fight. And they won because failure wasn’t an option.

As long as you’re holding onto doubt—”maybe she’s not ready, maybe this won’t work, maybe it’s too hard”—you are keeping failure on the table as an option.

When you keep your child in pull-ups just in case, you are doing the opposite of burning the boats. You’re keeping a backup plan for failure.

The second you tell yourself, “Well, it’s not that bad,” you’ve accepted a life you don’t want.

Your child doesn’t need another sticker chart.

Your child doesn’t need a new strategy.

Your kid needs a parent who has already decided to burn the boats: Diapers are no longer an option. We are moving forward, no matter what.

Because the second there is no backup plan, you will figure it out.

Then the only choice is to succeed. And that’s when everything changes.

So the real question is….

Are you willing to burn the boats?

The second you commit, everything shifts.

The only way forward is through.

xo Michelle

P.S. Are you ready to burn the boats of disbelief but can’t quite strike the match? Book a call to learn more about working with me and see if you’re a good fit for my group coaching program for parents of children with autism.