Mila- age 6, pre verbal, little to no functional communication. Been potty training for 3 weeks. Over the last 4 days, she just pees on herself. Most times, times, she’s just sitting. Not showing that she’s aware she is even doing it. No care. Not a real time pattern either to catch it. She is still not making a connection to the reward and the pee or poop in the toilet. Any advice?
Answer:
Hey Mama,
First, I just want to say I know how discouraging this can feel. You’re showing up for her, you’re putting in the work, and when you don’t see the connection clicking yet, it’s easy to wonder if it’s even working.
You are not failing her.
This is what the "messy middle" of potty training can look like especially with a child who’s still building communication skills at the same time.
Now, I want to offer you this:
It’s very possible that Mila does have some awareness of her body, and it just hasn’t surfaced yet in a way that we can clearly see.
And that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean she can’t do it.
It means we keep showing up until she does.
But if we make the assumption it's not there - it makes stating consistent and committed a lot more difficult because i feel powerless to this belief. So my motto is if i can't prove it, i can't think it.
When you say she’s just sitting and peeing, and no clear pattern, that’s telling me her body-to-brain connection around pottying is still under construction. (does that feel different to think this instead?) Our job right now is to build it by staying insanely consistent, even when it feels like wasted effort.
Some questions to think about that could open up progress:
• What is the reward you’re using? On a 1–10 scale, is it a 10 for Mila? (It has to be something she would move mountains for.)
• How often are you taking her? Potty training at this stage is about opportunity after opportunity even when it feels repetitive.
• Is she having any wins? successful pees? A tiny dribble, a longer sit, even just moving toward the bathroom?
• Are you taking data? Writing things down helps find patterns that your brain can miss in the moment. No data = flying blind.
You’ve been at this 3 weeks.
The last 4 days have been tougher.
That’s normal. This is the part where a lot of parents pull back but it’s actually the part where if you lean in, the breakthroughs start.
You’re closer than you think.
Don’t let what you can’t see yet make you lose belief in what’s being built.
You’re doing hard work.
You’re laying foundations that don’t show up overnight but when they do, they change everything.
Keep going.
You and Mila are doing more right now than you realize.
xo Michelle
Hey Mama,
First, I just want to say I know how discouraging this can feel. You’re showing up for her, you’re putting in the work, and when you don’t see the connection clicking yet, it’s easy to wonder if it’s even working.
You are not failing her.
This is what the “messy middle” of potty training can look like especially with a child who’s still building communication skills at the same time.
Now, I want to offer you this:
It’s very possible that Mila does have some awareness of her body, and it just hasn’t surfaced yet in a way that we can clearly see.
And that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean she can’t do it.
It means we keep showing up until she does.
But if we make the assumption it’s not there – it makes stating consistent and committed a lot more difficult because i feel powerless to this belief. So my motto is if i can’t prove it, i can’t think it.
When you say she’s just sitting and peeing, and no clear pattern, that’s telling me her body-to-brain connection around pottying is still under construction. (does that feel different to think this instead?) Our job right now is to build it by staying insanely consistent, even when it feels like wasted effort.
Some questions to think about that could open up progress:
• What is the reward you’re using? On a 1–10 scale, is it a 10 for Mila? (It has to be something she would move mountains for.)
• How often are you taking her? Potty training at this stage is about opportunity after opportunity even when it feels repetitive.
• Is she having any wins? successful pees? A tiny dribble, a longer sit, even just moving toward the bathroom?
• Are you taking data? Writing things down helps find patterns that your brain can miss in the moment. No data = flying blind.
You’ve been at this 3 weeks.
The last 4 days have been tougher.
That’s normal. This is the part where a lot of parents pull back but it’s actually the part where if you lean in, the breakthroughs start.
You’re closer than you think.
Don’t let what you can’t see yet make you lose belief in what’s being built.
You’re doing hard work.
You’re laying foundations that don’t show up overnight but when they do, they change everything.
Keep going.
You and Mila are doing more right now than you realize.
xo Michelle