The MESSY of Autism Parenting

The MESSY of Autism Parenting

“It’s in the MESSINESS where we find the cracks, and it’s through showing up—even when we feel like we’re falling apart—that we actually make progress.” – Michelle B. Rogers

Middle school kicked off for us about three weeks ago.


At first, I was really nervous because I know these BIG transitions can be make or break. So, I braced myself for some discomfort. But as we started to settle into the new school, the changes of classes and routines, everything seemed to be going great.

That was until I started seeing some things last week that sent my mama antennas up.



When the antennas start buzzing, it’s like the equivalent of visualizing something about to blow in my head. Imagine looking at this pretty house and then all of a sudden just noticing these cracks appearing in the foundation.


The first crack for me was Julianna forgot to hand in her science lab. I asked her about it, and she said, “Oh, I forgot to turn it in. It’s in my locker.”


So I thought “Ok ok new school, homework is graded, lesson learned.” It was a minor hairline crack that I wouldn’t think much of on its own.



Then, the second crack—she had to take two periods to finish a math test, only to come home with a 76.


This is the same kid who spent the entire summer in math tutoring—$1,000+ worth of tutoring, three times a week!


She came home with a shit grade and took two periods to finish the test. I can’t help but feel like I made a costly mistake. I thought: “Was this a complete waste of time and money?” I was pissed.


And finally, the third crack: there was the science homework that she got a zero on that Julianna said she did, but the teacher said she didn’t. 


Now, I know my daughter—her memory is one of her strengths, and if she says she did the homework, she did it.


So now, I’m dealing with a “she said, she said” situation, trying to navigate this disagreement without losing it.


None of these issues are catastrophic on their own, but they feel like cracks in the foundation.


And when you think you’re good and get blindsided – you probably show up like me, a shit ton of messy.



MESSY because I thought we had it under control—I let my guard down, thinking the transition was smooth—only to feel like I got smacked in the face three weeks later.


MESSY because I have to articulate the subtleties of these cracks to a school that’s probably not used to a parent this in tune, having to push through that uncomfortable feeling of being judged or dismissed.


MESSY because then came the email I sent to her school team, knowing deep down this would probably lead to another IEP meeting. And when they confirmed it, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had messed up.


I thought: “If I had gotten it right the first time, we wouldn’t need another meeting.”


Messy because even as an autism mom coach, I still have these “Autism strikes again” thoughts. It’s not rational, it’s not helpful, but it’s there in my mind to feel awful about.


This is the MESSY of autism parenting. Messy thoughts, messy emotions, messy actions.


I definitely wouldn’t call this past week my finest hours. It has not been handled perfect, it’s not clean, and it’s far from easy.


But I KNOW that being MESSY is better than not showing up at all.


I’d rather show up MESSY AND RAW than stay silent.


It’s in the MESSINESS where we find the cracks, and it’s through showing up—even when we feel like we’re falling apart—that we actually make progress. 


I’ve learned that parenting isn’t about having it all together; it’s about being willing to get messy, make mistakes, and keep pushing forward.


I also know as painful as this is, it makes me a stronger mother when I push through and come out the other side.


So if you’re in the thick of it and feeling like things are slipping, just know that even seasoned autism moms like me still deal with the mess too.


Showing up messy is better than not showing up at all.


I’d rather be raw and real, navigating the mess, than sit silently and let things slide.


And that means you can’t let things slide either because you don’t want to be “messy” either. 
​​

As I course correct over the next month or so I know I will be tested. I will have tears, but ZERO REGRETS in showing up.


Because showing up for your child, even in the mess, is always worth it.



Xo Michelle

 

P.S. If you’re feeling messy in your parenting, you’re one conversation away from figuring it out together. Let’s chat and see if working together makes sense. Book a consultation call, and we’ll figure out if you’re a good fit for my program.



P.P.S. After just one 20 minute conversation with Boss Mom Amber in my group coaching program for parents of children with Autism, her son Liam is using his AAC Device. TALKING IS NEXT FOR THIS BOY!!! I AM CERTAIN OF IT!

 

Michelle B. Rogers is an Autism Mom & Life Coach for Parents of Children with Autism. She is an expert in helping parents Potty Train and Improve the Communication Skills of their children, with a "straight forward" results-driven approach. Her mission is helping every child with Autism to reach their greatest potential by empowering their parents. She provides Autism Parents with the mental, emotional and tactical tools and strategies to help their child live as independent of a life as possible so they too get their independence back.

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