I recently took a call with a mother and father who were interested in joining my program to help their son potty train and communicate.
All throughout the call, these parents were moving around, distracted, struggling to stay present for our time together.
We all agreed that getting their son Potty Trained and Communicating was the highest priority but their energy felt frantic and all over the place.
I told them, “I believe my program will help you to help your son but this call has been very hectic. How will you be in this program focused on doing what you can do for your child if this is how you are showing up on this call?”
Dad was taken a back.
He indicated he was disappointed with my comment, that they were “raising 3 children under 5 and they had to make dinner during the call while working full time and doing the best they can to help his son.”
I have nothing but LOVE for busy parents, I get it.
Busy and making progress is one thing.
Busy to be busy is another.
They came on the call to get these problems solved.
If this feels like you there is a real reason why you live a life of chaos with no end in sight, but it’s not because you work full time, you have multiple children, you’re married, divorced, sick, well, etc.
And for these “Busy Parents” Chaos on the call is a symptom of their chaotic focus and thus their lack of results when it comes to their child with Autism.
The inability to stand still stems from the disbelief that these skills can be accomplished in the first place.
So you “get busy” putting out fires of diaper changes and tantrums.
You’re “swamped” with household chores and taking care of the day to day that there is just no time left for anything else.
Because these are the things you know how to handle.
Our brains would much rather fill our days with the things we can do versus spending time trying to problem solve for things we don’t know how to do yet.
Living in Chaos is a self protection state.
It keeps you focused on “important things” that you know you can create results with.
This can be the dinner, the homework, the bath, the laundry.
You stack “important things” on top of each other and then next thing you know there is so much to do, and no time to do what matters most.
And you don’t have to face the fact that you don’t believe you can teach what matters most.
Because that’s so much more painful.
Chaos as an adjective means complete confusion or lack of order.
It’s optional to live your life like this.
When we are actively living in Chaos, we view ourselves as victims of our own lives, and continued chaos reinforces this part of our identity.
How we do one thing in life is how we do EVERYTHING.
If you are serious about creating a life for your child that includes communicating, wearing underwear and using the toilet 100% of the time, then you need to create an environment where those skills can exist.
That means you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable while you are doing it.
You need to consistently try lots of things that don’t work, till you find what does.
You have to prioritize the steps to getting your baby potty trained and communicating ABOVE all else.
I always tell my moms, imagine there is still an invisible umbilical cord between you and your child.
Garbage in, garbage out.
That goes for how we think about ourselves, how we feel, how we show up in the world.
But if you’re in full BELIEF these skills can be taught and you’re committed to making it happen above all else then you won’t need “chaos” to feel important.
You’ll actually be IMPORTANT because of the work you do to help your baby thrive.
P.S. Are you feeling your life is happening to you and you’re stuck in a never ending Chaos loop? My New Year’s Autism Revolution is right around the corner! This free workshop will tell you how to potty train and teach communication to your child with Autism.