Hello, my daughter is now almost 6 and still pooping her pants almost every morning before she wakes up, we have tried a lot of different things and rewards and times and we are not having any consistency, she keeps going back to doing it again even if we have a few days of not. Now she has gone a week straight of doing it everyday
Answer:
It sounds like this has been a tough and exhausting situation for you, especially since you’ve already tried some things. Here’s the thing—pooping accidents like this are usually more about habit then anything else. Unless it's diarrhea, it is highly unlikely she's doing this in her sleep.
First thing I need is some more data to help.
1. When is it happening, I know you said every morning but please provide details on time, in the bed, standing up in her room, etc.
2. Have you ever caught her mid poop, what do you do when this happens?
3. How do you know she's had an accident ?
4. Does she still wear diapers?
5. What are the rewards you're using? How desirable are they on a scale from 1 to 10? Does she have access to them at any other time?
6. What do you both do once you've realized she's had an accident?
From what you’ve shared, I’d start by looking at her morning routine. If she’s consistently going before waking up, we may need to adjust her wake up time especially if you just missed it.
We’d also want to address the way you’re responding after the accidents—sometimes the way we handle setbacks can unintentionally reinforce the behavior.
This is exactly the type of challenge we can tackle together on the coaching calls. My next call is today at 3pm EST. If you can make it, we can have a dialogue on this.
Let me know.
Thanks!
Michelle
It sounds like this has been a tough and exhausting situation for you, especially since you’ve already tried some things. Here’s the thing—pooping accidents like this are usually more about habit then anything else. Unless it’s diarrhea, it is highly unlikely she’s doing this in her sleep.
First thing I need is some more data to help.
1. When is it happening, I know you said every morning but please provide details on time, in the bed, standing up in her room, etc.
2. Have you ever caught her mid poop, what do you do when this happens?
3. How do you know she’s had an accident ?
4. Does she still wear diapers?
5. What are the rewards you’re using? How desirable are they on a scale from 1 to 10? Does she have access to them at any other time?
6. What do you both do once you’ve realized she’s had an accident?
From what you’ve shared, I’d start by looking at her morning routine. If she’s consistently going before waking up, we may need to adjust her wake up time especially if you just missed it.
We’d also want to address the way you’re responding after the accidents—sometimes the way we handle setbacks can unintentionally reinforce the behavior.
This is exactly the type of challenge we can tackle together on the coaching calls. My next call is today at 3pm EST. If you can make it, we can have a dialogue on this.
Let me know.
Thanks!
Michelle
Yes we have been working on this for so long! She does great during the day going potty, it’s night times and pooping that’s the issue.
Here are some answers
1)happening around 5:40-7am-today is was 5:40am. She is still laying in the bed. We watch her on the monitor and she is either barely moving or not moving at all. We go in as soon as we see her move and check
2)we have caught her when she has just started and maybe just has a little piece of poop in the diaper and she does the rest on the potty
3)we know by going in at first sign on movement and checking her
4) she is in a pull up but only at bed time
5)we have tried a couple that didn’t seem to work, now we are using if she uses the potty she can pick what she wants for breakfast(she loves pancakes and cinnamon rolls) but if she doesn’t we get to choose and we choose eggs or avocado toast(which she is not a big fan of.) and we tell her if she sit up and says she has to go potty on her own she can watch a brain break on youtube(she has never done it where she sits up and says it, we always take her)
We thought these were good rewards, she loves when she actually does go to the potty she will proudly say what she wants for breakfast. We also tell her if she poops her pants in the morning she can’t watch any tv that day(she loves bluey)
6) when we go in and check if she has gone, if she hasn’t we ask her if she is ready to go potty depending on what time it is, if it’s later in the morning we just take her. If she hasn’t already had an accident we take her to the bathroom, clean her up, tell her she is supposed to use the potty to poop and pee. Then tell her she doesn’t get her reward. Usually she gets really upset when we’ve told her she’s pooped in her pants and she’ll yell and scream. No, I didn’t poop. No, I didn’t poop and cry.
We have tried waking her up at all different times of the morning. She’s not even consistent on the time that she goes sometimes it’s really early around like 530 sometimes it’s closer to 630 and for like a week straight when we were actually catching the poops about a month ago She was getting up closer to seven .
I do plan to join the call today!
If I had to guess, based on everything you’ve shared, the issue isn’t tactical—this is about consistency, commitment, and belief.
Consistency
Right now, it sounds like the approach has been spotty—waking her at different times, reacting instead of proactively catching her every single morning, and hoping for a breakthrough without a rock-solid routine. This habit of pooping in her bed won’t break itself, but you can break it. It’s going to take setting a hard boundary: every single time she moves, she’s getting up and going to the potty. Or better yet, set your alarm for 5:30 a.m., get her up, and take her to the bathroom before it happens.
It will feel exhausting and tedious at first, but it’s temporary. I’ll give you an example: I’ve been potty training a new puppy, and yes, it’s been brutal waking up at odd hours to make sure she doesn’t have an accident. But over time, with consistency, she’s started alerting me when she needs to go. The same will happen with your daughter. She’ll learn that her only option is the potty because there’s no wiggle room for accidents. You can do this—you just need to commit to catching it every time until the habit is broken.
Commitment
The pull-ups are enabling her to stay comfortable while using the bathroom in her bed. They’re a safety net she doesn’t need anymore. By continuing to use them, you’re unintentionally saying, “It’s okay to keep pooping here.” You’ve got to make the uncomfortable decision to take them away. Yes, there will be messes at first—but you’re creating an environment where the only choice is the potty. It’s about sending a clear and unwavering message: This is no longer where you poop.
Belief
I can sense the doubt creeping in: Can she really do this? Is she even capable? And I want to be very clear—yes, she can. She’s proven she can during the day, and she’s even gone stretches of mornings where she’s done it. The inconsistency and doubt are holding you back, not her ability.
Here’s the thing: when you truly believe she’s capable, the way you approach this changes. You stop seeing the accidents as a sign that she “can’t” and start seeing them as opportunities to reinforce the behavior you want. Ask yourself: If I knew without a doubt that she could do this, what would I do differently?
You’ve got this. She’s already shown she’s capable of doing it. Now, it’s about matching your consistency, commitment, and belief to that truth. Let’s talk about how we can tackle this together on the call later today.
Best,
Michelle