Treg has been laughing when he does something wrong or hurts someone (he doesn’t seriously hurt people, but I’m talking about pushing, grabbing our shirts, etc.). We tell him what he did is uncool (the term used in school), that it’s not appropriate to laugh, and to stop doing it. If he continues the behavior and/or doesn’t stop laughing he either has to sit on the couch for 5 min. in a timeout (with no toys in hand) or has to go to his room for 5 min. We explain what he did that was uncool and tell him to apologize to someone if he hurt them. It works for the time being but then the next time he does something uncool the same thing happens.
He laughs in inappropriate situations both at school and at home. His teacher said his language is so excellent but he’s screaming so much more. He runs away screaming at meal times at school. She’s not encouraging him to stay at the table can’t allow him to run around the room screaming and hitting/grabbing the teachers. She gives him choices when she can and that seems to help. He does great at group times with a “tool” which is usually a car.
How can we stop these behaviors and help him understand he should not laugh?
Answer:
Thank you for your question! This sounds like two questions in one so I am going to break it down into two parts.
1. Laughing when hurting someone/doing something wrong: Typically this behavior is attention-maintained. Yes maybe he does not understand that socially he should not laugh in these situations, but it sounds like everyone has taught that to him so he most likely understands at this point. It sounds like he is getting A LOT of attention for doing it which is probably super fun for him so he continues doing it. How does he react to timeout? If he dislikes it and it seems effective then I would continue doing it, but I would stop talking to him about it. As much as I like the "uncool" reference, it is a lot of attention for him to be getting. If the behaviors he is engaging in (ex. pushing, grabbing, etc.) are mild I would try completely ignoring them and redirecting him to something appropriate. That way he is not getting any attention for it. Because sometimes even taking him to timeout could be considered attention! Now if you start completely ignoring these behaviors and he is no longer getting attention for them you may see what we call an "extinction burst." That means you may see an increase in the bad behaviors because now he really wants the attention so he is going to try even harder to get it. Power thru and stick to your guns with ignoring! It usually takes a few days and then you will see a decrease in the behavior. I would also make sure you are reinforcing good behavior. Lots of praise throughout the day when he is being appropriate, maybe even some edible reinforcement if he is into snacks and treats. He needs to learn that he gets more and better attention for good behavior vs. bad behavior!
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2. Meal times at school: Do we know the reason that he is running away screaming from the table? Does he not want to eat? Does he not want to sit there? If you know the answer to that question that will help us. For example, if he does not want to sit at the table then maybe the teacher can give him an option of sitting somewhere else if he asks appropriately. An "all done" or "break" card on his table may be helpful to prompt him to ask nicely vs. running away screaming. Choices are great, but make sure the teacher is giving the choices BEFORE the bad behavior occurs. For example, "Do you want to sit at this table or that table?" or "Do you want to eat your sandwich first or fruit first?" It will all depend on if you know why he is running away from the table. The teacher can also set a timer and require him to sit at the table for X minutes before he can leave. For example, "Sit at the table nicely for 1 minute and then you can ask to be all done."
Thank you for your question! This sounds like two questions in one so I am going to break it down into two parts.
1. Laughing when hurting someone/doing something wrong: Typically this behavior is attention-maintained. Yes maybe he does not understand that socially he should not laugh in these situations, but it sounds like everyone has taught that to him so he most likely understands at this point. It sounds like he is getting A LOT of attention for doing it which is probably super fun for him so he continues doing it. How does he react to timeout? If he dislikes it and it seems effective then I would continue doing it, but I would stop talking to him about it. As much as I like the “uncool” reference, it is a lot of attention for him to be getting. If the behaviors he is engaging in (ex. pushing, grabbing, etc.) are mild I would try completely ignoring them and redirecting him to something appropriate. That way he is not getting any attention for it. Because sometimes even taking him to timeout could be considered attention! Now if you start completely ignoring these behaviors and he is no longer getting attention for them you may see what we call an “extinction burst.” That means you may see an increase in the bad behaviors because now he really wants the attention so he is going to try even harder to get it. Power thru and stick to your guns with ignoring! It usually takes a few days and then you will see a decrease in the behavior. I would also make sure you are reinforcing good behavior. Lots of praise throughout the day when he is being appropriate, maybe even some edible reinforcement if he is into snacks and treats. He needs to learn that he gets more and better attention for good behavior vs. bad behavior!
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2. Meal times at school: Do we know the reason that he is running away screaming from the table? Does he not want to eat? Does he not want to sit there? If you know the answer to that question that will help us. For example, if he does not want to sit at the table then maybe the teacher can give him an option of sitting somewhere else if he asks appropriately. An “all done” or “break” card on his table may be helpful to prompt him to ask nicely vs. running away screaming. Choices are great, but make sure the teacher is giving the choices BEFORE the bad behavior occurs. For example, “Do you want to sit at this table or that table?” or “Do you want to eat your sandwich first or fruit first?” It will all depend on if you know why he is running away from the table. The teacher can also set a timer and require him to sit at the table for X minutes before he can leave. For example, “Sit at the table nicely for 1 minute and then you can ask to be all done.”
Thank you for these suggestions. Timeout doesn’t phase him much. I understand the concept of redirecting him but I also think he needs to learn it’s not okay to push, grab, hit, etc. For example, he pulled out a student’s chair at school, causing the kid to fall. He needs to learn there are consequences for bad behaviors, though they need to be unpleasant enough for him not to continue doing them. We do praise him a lot and give positive reinforcement when his behavior is good (they do at school too).
Part of the running from the table may be due to his feeding challenges. He just doesn’t have an interest in food and has a very limited diet. We send only food he eats. They give him the choice as soon as they announce it’s time to eat- Treg do you want to sit at this table or that table? He chooses and then screams and runs away and wants to go back to the choice again. They tried that for awhile. Now they’re just walking with him and his lunchbox and saying “let’s see what’s in your box together” and using a quiet, calm voice. It seems to help him stay calm.
His teacher said yesterday he had the best day ever so that’s encouraging!
Thanks for following up, Kimberly! So if timeout does not phase him I would definitely talk to his teachers and see what a good consequence would be (ex. losing out on recess or a shortened recess, missing out on fun activities that his friends are doing, etc.). And I would definitely try reinforcing good behavior like I mentioned. He can earn something (edible reinforcer, praise, etc.) every certain amount of time that he is being good. You can start with every 5 minutes and increase the duration after a few days if he is doing well. This can be done both at home and at school. I would also make some “rules” for him. I like to print them out and write “Treg’s Rules” on them. 1. Be nice to my friends. 2. Keep my hands to myself. Something like that. Review the rules with him and tell him every 5 minutes (or whatever duration you choose) that he follows his rules he earns X.
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For sitting at the table I would definitely try the tiimer method. You or the teacher can require him to sit nicely at the table for 1 minute (or whatever you choose) and then have him ask nicely to get up. If he screams and runs away I would have him come back to the table and try again. As he starts doing well with this you can slowly increase the duration to him sitting at the table for longer and longer. Good luck! Happy to hear that he had a good day on Wednesday! 🙂