I thought I could cure my daughter’s Autism.

When Julianna started Kindergarten she was speaking. I wouldn’t describe her as this overly chatty child but I thought we had arrived.

Julianna went from Non Verbal to Sign Language to Potty Trained, to Speaking. 

Our Journey had us on a lot of twists and turns.

 

But here we are starting Kindergarten in an integrated class with neurotypical peers.  Integrated means it is a class that is co-taught by a General Education and Special Education Teacher.  The class must finish the grade level curriculum and a handful of unidentified students with IEPs are placed in this class along with neurotypical children.  The beauty of this placement is no one knows who’s special needs.

For us it was the Golden Ticket I was striving for since she was 3.

And here we were.. Taking pictures on the first day of school.

 

Then a few months in, I started to notice her chatter was around one child in particular, her best friend we will call Jane.  The chatter was non stop about this girl, and I was instantly skeptical because it didn’t feel like a 2 way street.  Jane was in a mutual extracurricular activity so I would see when they were together, she never talked to Julianna.   I remember checking in with the mom to see if the feeling was mutual and her mom was very placating saying

 “ohh yes.. Same here.. Talks about Julianna all the time.”

Although my instincts were saying otherwise, I trusted it. 

I wanted so badly to believe our Autism was cured.  

But then it happened.

 

We were invited to this little girl’s birthday party.  Julianna was so excited.  I went out and bought the perfect gift, definitely went above and beyond for the budget and we headed over to Jane’s house for a pool party.

 

The day was very hot and Julianna ran off to play with her little bff.  I stuck my feet in the pool water wondering why I didn’t bring a bathing suit for myself and then I heard it… a loud horrible scream.  Before I could look up to see whose child was screaming, Julianna was in my face screeching and in tears.  I looked her up and down for an injury.  The screaming was that bad, but I didn’t see anything so I asked her what was wrong.

“They don’t want to play with me…”

Who??

Jane and her friend. 

 

“What do you mean they don’t want to play with you”?

 

“Every time I try to play with her, she runs away.”

I was destroyed for her.   

I guess this wasn’t the relationship either of us thought it was.

“Julianna, do you want to go home?” , I asked her.

“NO NO I want her to play with me.”

I felt awful.  How was I going to do that?

I went over to the little girl and I said…

“Come on girls, we can all play together right?”

 

Jane said… “I guess” but I could tell she didn’t mean it.

Julianna got excited but I knew this was bullshit.   She just clinged to the words said and believed them at face value.  

She tried to run off with them again and this time I was watching and they left her flat, and she came back crying to me again. 

 

Feeling awful for my kid and so helpless I went to Jane’s mother.

Although she tried to get her to play with Julianna… Jane basically told her mother off in front of a backyard full of people and kids saying she doesn’t want to play with my daughter and she’ll do what she wants.

 

It turns out this girl has been giving “signals” for a while and Julianna wasn’t picking up on them.

She’d say things like “Sure you can play with us” as she rolled her eyes.

Or there would be inside jokes.. Laughing at my girl and Julianna would think she was in on the fun but was the joke.